Superpucky

Letting Go

2011-06-22T11:27:00.000-04:00

I had mentioned that I had to let friends go in a previous post. I wanted to expand on that. I had a friend who has battled addiction for a long time in her life. I was not aware of this until the last few years of our friendship. We always had a co-dependent relationship. It became toxic over the last few years.
The drug addiction started out as experimentation, partying and then escalated into full blown junky/addict hell. I was on the sidelines watching all of it like a train wreck in slow motion.
I had a lot of people warning me that our relationship wasn't good for me. I wanted to be the stoic friend who held on no matter what. I wanted to be the heroine who did not forsake her friend. Blah blah martyr blah de martyr blah.
It seemed like her problems became bigger than anything positive I was getting out of our relationship. I gave money I didn't have to give, time I should have spent on myself. I gave and gave and gave and gave. I suppose I did this so I wouldn't have to pay attention to the mess that had become my own life. It was so much easier to look at someone else's world and help than to deal with my own.
Any time I tried to discuss my issues or ask for advice I never got as much as I gave. It was always "I don't know what to say.", or on to the next subject about myself. Most of the time it was simply ignored. When I was treated poorly I would blame the drugs, or the boyfriend, or being overworked, or being in a bad situation. The simple truth of it all I was being abused and used and was completely oblivious to it.
While I am off flying the banner of "True Blue Friend" my life is just disintegrating. My job performance suffering, my weight skyrocketing, and my friends and family distancing themselves. I was in falling apart while trying to put someone else back together. Before I knew it I had no other close friends and one person I called my friend who really wasn't.
There were warning signs. Occasionally I would grow a back bone when she crossed the line and insulted me or insinuated that I was not a good friend. We would stop speaking for months sometimes a year. Then there was the tear jerking phone call that would reel me back in to her insane world. I would take her back because I was lonely and had a chance to be the knight in shining armor again.
I let her move in with me and gave her money. I bought make up, pre paid phone, cigarettes, helped with a resume, and didn't ask for a dime in return. Within a couple weeks a tear filled confession that she had slipped and gone off and done drugs. She begged me not to tell my husband. That was a line I was not willing to cross. We stopped talking for over a year.
After another teary phone call I started talking to her again. She was clean and sober and I thought it was worth it to give things another try. She began obsessing over writing to death row inmates during this time! She became obsessed with one man and "fell in love" with him. She said that he was good for her and was helping her. I tried to go on, I was mystified, but, played along. She broke up with her boyfriend for this person. He committed suicide shortly afterward and she didn't seem phased much. This really shocked me but I kept my distance and continued to talk to her.
Then she began sending out letters and emails to me about petitioning states to stop executions. I ignored them and admired her tenacity with which she went about them. Then I started getting text messages from her that were four and five pages long. I have no text plan (gasp...I know...I prefer to speak to people) so I let her know that and that each text was costing me money. She flipped out and sent me a diatribe of hatred filled text that was 7 messages long.
It was clear how she felt about me and what she knew about me as a person. She knew absolutely nothing. Everything she said wasn't true or from out of left field. She had been basically using me as a free psychologist, atm, mother, and all around sucker of the month. I was so angry, stunned and most of all I felt stupid.
All of the years of being suckered in and abused became crystal clear. I was a victim of a person who manipulated me for years and I was naive and blind to it all. I think in the back of my mind I knew what was going on but I chose to ignore it.
On some levels we were good friends and she knew me better than a lot of people in certain ways. We used to have a lot of fun when we were younger. I think in my mind I was waiting for that person to re-emerge. She never did. In hindsight this pattern had been repeated with all of her relationships. She would show people one side of her and when the dark and ugly showed up she dumped them. Blamed all the problems on that person and moved on to the next victim.
I perpetually made myself her victim over and over and over. I felt so stupid for letting myself play the fool over and over. I felt heart ache for wasting so much time love and energy to have it thrown away with out a second thought. I felt discarded and used and most of all just plain stupid.
I took my time and sent her an email explaining exactly how I felt. Why did I do this you ask? For me. I wanted to say everything I felt needed to be said. I wanted her to know what I felt and how I felt about how she treated me. I did it for no one else but myself. This was my closure.
Of course I got an ugly response with the craziest of responses, a threat to reported to the FBI for internet harassment. Needless to say I am not in the pokey playing spades with a bunch of women.
It has been a couple of months since that happened and I have for the most part made peace with it. I am moving on and focusing on my real friends and myself. It has been hard because it is so difficult to look in the mirror and face your own issues after you have been ignoring them for so long.
I am moving on with better friends and a healthier perspective. I am now wary of letting people cross boundaries with me and defending myself from predators.
More to come on life improvements.
Take care.

New Day

2011-06-20T11:17:00.000-04:00

I battled my insomnia AGAIN last night. I couldn't seem to stop thinking about new beginnings, starting over, starting again. Since my birthday was last week and I am beginning a whole new week I am resolving to try to be healthier. Everyday take a step toward being healthier everyday. No matter how small the step or the accomplishment I am going to do SOMETHING.
I have been in this downward spiral of self destruction for months. I seem to keep procrastinating on dieting, exercise, organization and housework. You name it I have been putting it off. I think it is some sort of self punishment.
I have lost one very close friend of mine (by choice) this year. Which was really hard. Sometimes you have to realize when a person is bringing more chaos and harm to your life than anything positive. I have also cut ties with members of my family that were judgemental and extremely toxic to me. That was extremely difficult to say the least. These folks have been placing blame, shame and judgement on me for years. They were purposely excluding me and other family members from events and just all around being a-holes. So I figured why on earth should I keep up the facade and sticking out the olive branch only to draw back a charred hand. What was the point?
I think that coming to terms with losing all these people really hurt me. I know it is only natural to be depressed about doing all of this. I suppose it was the manner in which both groups left me. (which is another blog for another day)
Today I actually feel hopeful. I don't feel the residue of the angst/stress/shame/(insert negative ugly feeling). I think to mask the problems I have been eating my problems and avoiding the issues and pretending like they weren't there. I think that I eat so I don't have to feel. Which is the exact same reason people (self included) drink or do drugs or have sex etc. That way we can stay numb to all the things that we don't want to deal with.
I finally feel like I can walk away from all that crap and leave it behind. I feel so much lighter even though I haven't lost a pound.
I will expand on most of this later.
A

Happy Father's Day from Monkey Man

2011-06-17T11:28:00.000-04:00

(Disclaimer I totally stole this from The Daily Balance because it was such a beautiful idea)

Dear DaDa,

I love you more than I can actually say. I wish I could talk so I asked MaMa to tell you how I feel.
I am so happy that you and Mommy decided to fall in love then take that love and make me.
I want to thank you for the nights you slept with me so Mommy could get some rest when I was just a little baby. I want to thank you for staying in the hospital with me and putting me in your little cot so I could rest better. I want to thank you for rocking me to sleep before I could fall asleep on my own.
I love the "baby secrets" you whisper in my ear and make me laugh and listen in awed silence.
You make me so happy when you get on the floor and play with me. When you come home from work I am so happy that you are there. I miss you so much. I know you work so hard so Mommy can be with me all day. I know that Mommy appreciates that too.
Thank you for taking over for Mommy when she needs a break, I love being the center of your attention.
I can't wait until you can throw a ball to me, go running with me, and show me how to ride a bike.
It will be so much fun when you teach me how to drive, swim, and how to be a man.
I know that you will be a great father, best man, and grandpa.
I thank God that you are my Daddy because you are the best one for me.
Happy Father's Day Dada.
Love, Robbie

Back!

2011-06-13T11:14:00.000-04:00

Hello anyone who may still remember this blog. I could give you a million excuses as to why I haven't been blogging. None of them are very good. Some of them are fairly legit.
Robbie for one has kept me running my behind off. Post partum depression which I have been battling is probably the true culprit. Good ol procrastination is definitely a contributor.
So what am I up to these days? Number one chasing after my son who is now learning how to walk. Number two I am watching kids after school and now just one all day for the summer. I love working from home and being able to be a stay at home Mom. I do miss working with adults and having adult conversations. Some days I am so happy to see my husband walking through the door so I can have a conversation about something other than poop and barbies.
Life has had a lot of ups and downs. I have had to really re-evaluate my friends and family which has been excruciatingly hard. I have had to let a few people go on their merry way and welcome back some old friends. I have actually had to cut off people from my own family which has been REALLY hard. When I realized that they weren't who I thought they were. When I realized that for my own emotional well being I would be better off not speaking to them it was a bitter pill to swallow.
I have been battling weight gain big time. I have gained back a lot of what I lost before getting pregnant. that has played hell on my self esteem. I am struggling to find my way back to being as motivated as I was when I wrote this blog.
I think avoiding writing has been a symptom of all the problems I have been facing. I believe that actually articulating the issues I am dealing with would make them more "real". Getting back to writing has been something I have been putting off, even though I know I enjoy it so much.
Why do we do that to ourselves? Working out is the same as dieting and blogging for me. When I do work out I love it and enjoy it so much. Just getting myself to the gym has proved impossible. I don't know what I am so afraid of. I don't know what I am worried about? The stares? I have dealt with that before and over come it. The comments? I have heard those too and got over it? Worrying about Robbie in the day care area? I could let David watch him and be just fine. The truth is there is no excuse. I have made up a litany of good reasons not to go. The real reason is probably laziness.
I can certainly find a few minutes to rattle off what ever is on my mind to my blog. Be damned correct grammar and editing the hell out of it. At least I would be writing again. That feeds my soul and my passions. I know I can find time to exercise, I have a friend who has four children, a god daughter, a husband, a full time job and SHE has found time to exercise. So I know I can too. There are thousands of people who have lost a lot more weight than I have, and I have done it before SO I CAN TOO.
It feels so nice to blog again. I don't know if I have an audience anymore. I guess that really doesn't matter. Truthfully this is more for me than anyone else.
I am excited to be back. I am going to start getting back the things that bring me joy personally.
And now for some gratuitous Robbie pictures:

D DAY!!!

2010-04-29T16:52:00.000-04:00

I don't have a lot of time as I have mucho preperations to make.
Tomorow AM: Doctor+Fuzband+SuperPucky+induction=BIRTH OF SUPERBABY!
I have eight billion things to run around in circles to get done.
More details to come as soon as possible and delicious baby pictures...SQUEE!!

T Minus 15 Days and Counting..Tick....Tick...Tiiick

2010-04-21T15:12:00.000-04:00

I am growing another person inside of me, and they want OUT. I mean push my enormous canoe feet against your tummy forty bajillion times a minute OOOuuuTTAHhh. I am amazed, enthralled and terrified all at once. I mere person here am creating a whole other person that I, me, myself and my husband will be RESPONSIBLE for. Like for food...and shelter and....for psychological well being! Aaaaaaaaaaaaa((run around room screaming into other room and back)) aaaaaaack!
I mean I do not want to be the subject of "how my mother ruined my life" visit number 342 to therapist. I want my child to look back all misty eyed about how we used to make chocolatey chip cookies on cold rainy afternoons and I was the bestus Mommy ever! (Waking back up from hormonal coma)
I am full of conflicting emotions...one minute I want this gymnast/monkey/drummer/baby thing out of me...the next moment I want him to stay put because he is safe in there and no one can hurt his little baby feelings. Besides I know the different ways he can come out...and they all involve pain.
Physically I feel like someone has sucked every morsel of energy from my body. I have to psych myself up to go cook dinner, do laundry, go to the grocery store, clean the kitchen, and go pee for the forty billionth time.
Amazingly through out the other 38 weeks of this pregnancy I have not had any significant back pain. I have suffered from it in the past and fully expected to have a LOT of issues with it. I should have knocked on an entire forest somewhere. Week 38 has arrived and so has the pain. It now wakes me up at night and hits mid afternoon and sometimesdrives me to lie in bed. It is when this strikes that the "Get him ooooooout of meeeee!" starts to rear its head. Then the fear of him actually coming out of me returns and I rub my belly and say "stay put for a while".
That and I panic-ordered some nursing bras day before yesterday. To my alarm I was reading in a book how it is not unusual during engorgement to swell to three to four times your normal breast size. On a good day I can give Dolly Parton and Pam Anderson a run for their money. I have a feeling after engorgement I am going to look like a flipping Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade float or one of those balloons with the rubber strings on the end that you punch over and over. So I ordered big bigger HOLY CRAP THE HUMANITY! sized nursing bras. One of them has cups so huge I can wear them as a little house on the prairie hat. I..am...not..kidding...at..all. If I have to throw Robbie out a window during a fire I can tie my bra to him and use it as a parachute so he can float safely to earth. I am telling you people this is circus freak huge scary....this baby better breast feed like a champ.
Now I am fully appreciating the "Martyr Mommy" speech of "I carried you around on swollen ankles for 9 months...blah blah blah...".

SuperPucky Edition of Cribs

2010-04-20T11:50:00.005-04:00

I finally got off my behind and took pictures of Robbie's Room. Disclaimer: I had a VERY limited budget. I also waited too late to paint the room, not that it is in the budget to get painted anyways. Someday I will get around to slapping a coat of paint up. I made the Froggay picture frame and letters. I am going to put a picture of SuperPucky, Fuzband and Superbaby in it. I also stained the container on the right hand side with coffee grounds. So if Robbie grows up addicted to coffee I will know why. Wow...I need to steam that curtain. Don't you love the fact I already have laundry from him and he isn't even here yet?

This is Mr. Superbaby's bed. I want to get in it and go to sleep. The mobile he has is ultra cool. It projects pictures that rotate on to the little umbrella thingy and the umbrella rotates too. It plays nature sounds, lullabies and sounds from the womb. I got a little sleepy just testing it out. It even has a remote control so you can turn it back on without going back in the room completely. On the wall behind him is a FAA nightmare. There are airplanes, helicopters trains, dump trucks, ambulances, police cars, fire trucks and assorted vehicles flying through the air creating multiple collisions. I actually got all Martha Stewart and painted some of them myself.

"My First Mickey" came from Disney World last at this time year right around our anniversary. I knew we would start trying for a baby soon. I wanted him/her to get a souvenir from Disney too. I was torn if I wanted to get Mickey or Minnie and settled down on Mickey. Little did I know I would be having a boy at almost the exact same time the following year? (sniffle sniffle, mooshy mooshy-must be those hormones)

The Cars Poster is significant as in the fact that it was the movie that Fuzband and I saw on our first date. We held hands while watching the movie. It was so romanticle! These are the walls above the queen sized bed in Robbie's room. Since we have a smaller house and limited room. The nursery will double as a guest room. We have a pack and play in the living room that will serve as his back up crib when we have company. I got a Moses basket for the bedroom for the first few months before he starts sleeping through the night. It is the coolest thing. It is a pretty little basket meant to use the first few months of a baby's life. It can sit on the bed or on the trunk at the foot of my bed. I figured when he wakes me for third feeding of the night it may be more convenient to have him at arms length. After he outgrows it I thought it would be great for holding toys and other assorted items.

I am excited, I ordered a few books for Robbie today, I got him ABC's and Red Fish Blue Fish by Dr. Seuss and Goodnight Moon. I can't wait to read them to him. I got What to Expect the First Year for me and a book on breastfeeding.

I finally found a pediatrician and I will be meeting with her next week. The practice is really nice, and even has a lactation consultant on staff. I was surprised that not all pediatrician group practices offer this service. I figured since I am new at all of this I could use all the support I could get.

That is all for today...I need some lunch. Funny how the last few posts have ended with me going to lunch.

What A Weekend

2010-04-19T14:00:00.000-04:00

My child is misbehaving already and he hasn't even escaped from the womb yet. Remember the whole counting kicks thingy I am doing each night?? Night number one went swimmingly with 10 plus kicks each hour between five and seven. Afternoon and night two (last Friday) not so much. He was VERY quiet all day, and when it came to kick counting time he gave me 5 weak kicks on hour one and maybe 6 or 7 wimpy kicks/nudges on hour two. This is when the anxiety...first time mommy panic began to set in. I called the OB on call and let him know what was going on. He said probably nothing, but go down to labor and delivery at the hospital and let them ultrasound you and put you on a fetal heart monitor.

Mr. Fuzband and I trotted on down to the hospital with hastily packed hospital bag, and frayed nerves. After checking in and getting strapped into the monitor guess who starts just a thumping away on me like a bass drum? You guessed it Mr. Superbaby himself. Little booger's heart rate was right up where it should have been. Just to make Mommy look like a complete newbie freak out queen he was moving all around during the ultrasound showing off both sets of chubby cheeks.

I do have to say the hospital I went to has a reeeheaaaly nice labor and delivery department. My room was nicer than some three star hotels I have stayed in. The bathroom was enormous with a walk in shower with a nice built in chair. The room is the type you labor and recover in so all the equipment was right there. The room itself was gigantic and well laid out. It had a beautiful and huge Italian landscape mural on the wall opposite the bed. The ceiling tiles above the bed were a smoky opaque with the images of leaves pressed into them. I suppose when I am cursing and sweating and grunting for all I got I will be staring at these leaves and they will make me feel "tranquil" (heh). The nurses were super nice and the doctor on call was very calming and reassuring. Over all I was impressed.

Saturday I finished up decorating Robbie's room. My theme is "going places" from Wally World. It is airplanes, cars, trucks, and other vehicles done in bright colors. I have to admit it came out nice. I mean if I were a discriminating baby I would be all like "Whoa...." and "dude!" Let's just put it this way, it was inexpensive and I liked it and it didn't scream fuzzy ducks, lambs, fluffy clouds, and kittens and bleh. I promise pictures will be forth coming. I am just a little swamped with housework today.

Today was grandpa weekend too, we got to see both grandpa's on either side and hooray and huzzah they both took us out to eat! This is big for the Fuzband and I as our eating out budget has been slashed to less than half of what it was. That and the fact that you know being 9 months pregnant eating out can be the highlight of your day. I got to eat salad and teryaki-cajun chicken wings with salad on Saturday and Mexican food Sunday. YUMMO!

We also managed to get the car seat bases installed into the truck and car this weekend. I don't know who designs these things but...wow...could you make it a little more of a pain in the arse?! After much head scratching and manual reading and even a google for you tube instructions we finally got the bases installed. The first try they were just flopping around. I am sure they would offer no protection/support in the event of some accident. Finally we discovered that "LATCH" system thingy inside the middle of the back seats and were all "DURR". If the instructions just explained in plain English what a "LATCH" system is and how to find it I am sure it would have taken oh about a MINUTE to install. I have never really understood the safety concerns of parents until now. Now I want to wrap my child in egg cartons and bubble wrap the minute he comes out of me.

Must run folks, the dryer is screaming at me and I think I need to find some lunch. My stomach is shaking hands with my backbone.

Superbaby Late Breaking News

2010-04-15T19:19:00.000-04:00

I went to the baybee doctur todayee. (Reason for spelling like a spelling challenged individual is for prevalent feelings of stupidity)
Verdict on Superbaby wearing his cord like a cape.....it is normal, you shouldn't worry...lots of babies do this blah dee blah blah blur blee blah blur stop worrying you newbie Mom. My Doctor did however give me the choice of having a scheduled induction. Since I am a complete newcomer to all of this and a panicky new Mommy I let him make the call. Seeing as how he does this every day and this is,.... uhhh my very first baby. I figured his judgment call may be better than mine. He felt like letting Robbie show up on his own timeframe would give me the best chance for a vaginal delivery. Since I don't want to jump straight to a C Section unless it is absolutely necessary I was ok with his idea. The idea of knowing when he would be born really appealed to my inner control freak. Sensing that this was a snap decision, I decided to opt for the choice that requires more patience and allows Mother Nature to do her job.
As a safety precaution we are going to have weekly fetal monitoring via ultrasound and heart monitor. That way we can makes sure he hasn't decided to make the cord into a bow tie, or started putting in modular shelving. I am also on kick counting duty; I have to count kicks and bumps and thumps every evening between 5-7 pm. Each hour he should kick/move 10 times an hour. Anything less than 10 kicks an hour and I call the answering service and come in for monitoring at the hospital. We will continue with the monitoring for the next few weeks and base any further decision on the monitoring.
I feel pretty comfortable with his decision and advice. After all I am going to the best high risk OB clinic in my area and you can't get in without a referral. It is not as if this is the opinion of a gaggle of well meaning friends who have no medical training, or what my horoscope felt was the best thing to do.
That is all for now folks. I am going to forage for food in the kitchen.

Robbie Update

2010-04-13T14:13:00.000-04:00

The little turkey I am baking currently weighs 6.8 pounds. He is fully cooked and can make his debut at any time now. He is currently parked upside down like a giant baby question mark. His butt is under my right rib and his feet are firmly planted under my left rib. He is practice breathing and we got to watch him take a few breaths. His lil' tummy was full of amniotic fluid so we could tell he was practice swallowing and suckling. We could actually see him fuzzy head so he has some hair going on up there. His cheeks are nice and chubby and round.
The only cause for a small amount for concern is that the umbilical cord is draped around his back and neck. It is not pulled tight and he could slip from beneath it. Maybe I need to hang upside down on the bed and wiggle my belly. (Lame attempt at humor) The tech called the Doctor who felt comfortable that he was breathing normally and practice breathing. She said there was no need for a fetal monitor. Of course I am nervous wreck about the whole thing and have been anxiously paying attention to make sure he is kicking and moving around in there. Which he has been quite a bit. Lots of thumps and bumps and stretches and bounces and even the occasional case of hiccups.
I have had this feeling the last few weeks that something is going to cause me to have a C Section. I would prefer not to, but, what ever makes sure Robbie gets here safe and sound is fine for me. We shall see what the Doctor has to say Thursday.
I have been trying to focus on other things since hearing this news yesterday which has been pretty much impossible. I am in a funk and I am worried, so any prayers and good thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
I am having flashbacks of what I was feeling right before my gallbladder surgery. I would not allow myself to get "too happy" about being pregnant or having a baby because of fear of losing him. Now that I have everything in place, he has a name; I have imagined myself with him. I can feel him moving, I have seen his face. It is all so real and I am scared. I haven't even officially met him yet and I don't want to lose him. I know I am probably jumping the gun and panicking for absolutely no good reason. Seeing the cord around him scared the hell out of me and I can’t shake that image no matter how many nice words were spoken. I feel like I need reassurance from the Doctor, a game plan, more information ANYTHING. I know that 3:00 on Thursday is only a couple days away but it seems like forever.
Ironically as I am typing Robbie is currently kicking the buhjeebus out of me making my belly shake. It is almost as if he is saying, " I am so screwed my Mom is a neurotic mess! Would you chillax lady!"
I have been told that this worrying thing will never end...even when he is all growed up....sigh......

Return of Superpucky

2010-04-09T13:08:00.005-04:00

First of all let me apologize to anyone who may still be reading this blog for my absenteeism. I am back! YaY!
Lots of things have happened since we last spoke. Working and being pregnant and a myriad of other things have stood between me and my blog. Which has been tough for me because I find it to be a great stress relief and creative outlet.
I have quit my job! Hoorah! Much joy and rejoicing. This was not by any means an easy decision. There was lots of prayer, tears, gnashing of teeth, tearing of clothes, wailing, examining of budget etc.. While I worked I managed to pay off five credit cards and a truck load of hospital bills. Unfortunately I still have about 900.00 left of my ER/surgery bill.
We had to decide on sacrifices for the cause. We have discovered the joys of TV without cable, cooking almost exclusively at home, going to the park, you know...things that are cheap and free. Cutting out cable was a savings of about 120.00 per month...thank you very much. It is amazing how much a person will pay for TV huh? I have slashed pretty much every luxury item in my budget. Buh-bye eating out, pedicures, going to movie theater, new clothes, vacation...you name it. We have discovered the library-checking out books and free movie rentals. I have discovered baby sitting in exchange for services such as hair cuts, future baby sitting and a little money.
The catalyst for quitting working was looking a the cost benefit ratio. I was floored to find out that the crappiest of daycares in my area would have been about 600.00-700.00 per month. I wouldn't be able to express milk at work to breast feed due to time constraints. So add in money for formula. My shift at work would have been 3:00 PM to 12:00 midnight off Sunday and Monday. YUCKO! My husband's shift is 11:00 AM and 8:00 PM so my poor baby would be in daycare from 10:30 AM -6:30 PM and then someone would have to watch him until 8:30 at night. Then my husband would have to watch him solo from 9:00 PM to 12:30 when I got home. Sounds delightful doesn't it?
I would be working to net an extra four to five hundred dollars per month and to allow someone else to raise my child. Not to mention all the stress that would place on me, my baby, my husband, my family, my marriage. All so we could have extra money for the next few years.
December of 2012 we will have a loan paid off that will give us some wiggle room in the budget. One of our vehicles will be paid off four months later. If we can just make it through this year and the next without major financial disaster life will be MUCH more comfortable. Hopefully there may be some raises for my husband in the mean time as well. We managed to squirrel away a little "oh crap" money in savings for insurance deductibles and expenses above and beyond our monthly expenses. I have paid enough off on the few credit cards that we have left to have some additional cushion.
This was truly a decision to step out in faith. The thought of being able to be with my child every single day is much more comforting to me that having padding in the bank account. I really had to examine my priorities. I don't care about having pricey clothes and presents and extra perks. I have gone through tougher leaner financial periods in my life, and knowing it won't last forever is reassuring.
On to more fun subjects. I have found out I am having a boy, his name will be Robbie. At my last ultrasound the sonographer exclaimed that my child had really big feet. Sure enough she brought his little tootsies up on the monitor and they were quite gargantuan. I even have pictures to prove it.
Monday I am going for another ultrasound to see how big Bigfoot Jr. really is. We are going to determine if C Section will be necessary or if we are going ahead as planned. Right now the plan is just to bring him into the world the old natural way. I am hoping that will be the case as I don't really want to have another surgery within a year of having ye' old evil gallbladder removed.
I have purchased just about everything I need for him. We even have about four or five months worth of diapers stockpiled up. The crib has been put together, the car seat and stroller are in his room. All the little clothes are washed and put away.
I have gained 40 pounds...not so hooray and huzzah. I don't think I am having a 35 pound child...at least I hope and pray I am not. Physically I am doing ok, my stamina is in the pooper and I get tuckered out pretty easily. A trip to Wal Mart really takes it out of me so I have to pace myself. I am getting up forty thousand times a night to pee. Everything is giving me heartburn right now so I should own stock in rolaids. Other than that I am feeling pretty good. I am having Braxton Hicks Contractions periodically now. My OB says that is a good thing it means I am progressing nicely. Robbie thinks the best place to keep his enormous feet are tucked under my left rib. He will push against my ribs and bounce his noggin on my poor bladder.
I am nesting like a maniac right now. I have managed to deep clean every room in my home. Now I am working on organization and fine tuning. I am happy to say that I have managed to accomplish all the major projects I wanted to.
Now I have to look in to pre-registration at the hospital, and a tour of the maternity ward.
More to come later I promise.

Minus One Evil Organ

2009-11-14T19:04:00.004-05:00

Mr. Wonderful Dr., "I would like to wait until you are 16 weeks pregnant at least before we perform surgery."
Gallbladder "Muhahahahahahahahaahahahah!!!! Watch this!" (Evil Villain Fuzzy mustache wiggle followed by excruciating pain and vomiting)
Last Monday my gallbladder bid adieu to my abdomen. Good riddance you dastardly thingy thing you!
They managed to perform the surgery lapriscopically(holy cow is that even a word!?). Let me tell anyone who ever has to get lapriscopic gallbladder surgery. The actual pain from the surgery is not that bad. It is the gas that will kick your behind. They blow CO2 into your belly and it likes to move around from your tummy to your shoulder. Let me tell you this hurt as bad as the gall bladder attacks, passing stones and any other pain I could imagine. Do NOT pass on the pain meds and pick up some Gas X, a heating pad, and a nice person who will rub your shoulder and beat on your back. The smartest thing I could think of was leaning on the back of a recliner and having the fuzband play bongos on my back. Burping has never ever felt so good.
The good news is that the baby is doing great and so am I. They gave me an ultrasound before and after the surgery. As usual the little astronaut was in there flipping, rolling, wiggling and rolling to and fro.
I am going back to work on Monday (I hope). I am actually a bit nervous about going back and I am not really sure why. I am afraid that some of the vital information I learned in training escaped with my gallbladder. I know I am being silly and I need to suck it up and go back to work.
Today I ventured out of the house for the first time for a small grocery trip and that just about kicked my butt. I felt like I just got over the flu...all tired and achy like. I had to get out of the house before my dogs started answering me when I talked to them.
Well that is the most coherent entry I could come up with. I am going to go before it all goes to poop.

The Missing Puck

2009-11-07T15:59:00.003-05:00

I have to apologize to all Superpucky fans. I have been absentee. Partially due to slackerness and some just plain was life hitting me with a crate of lemons.
First of all SuperBaby is just fine and dandy and performing Cirque du Soleil in my uterus. I mean this with all sincerity. I have had two ultrasounds in the last few weeks and my little astronaut was in there doing back flips and spinning. It was waving it's little skinny arms and legs around. It was rolling from side to side and just having a big ol' time in there.
Superpucky on the other hand is not doing as well as Superbaby. What I thought were gastric reflux attacks were actually gall stones. The weekend before Halloween I actually passed a gall stone. I have looked up on line what type of pain this is and how it compares to other pain. Women who have had natural child birth and have passed a gall stone say that the gall stone is worse. I went to two Doctors offices, drank tons of GI Cocktail (usually nectar of the Gods, but not in this instance) and after 24 hours of continuous pain checked myself into the ER. They in turn put me on morphine and checked my behind into the hospital.
I met my nifty surgeon who told me that he would have normally performed surgery right then and there. The hold up was Superbaby. He wanted me to be at least 16 weeks along to have surgery. He allowed me to eat what resembled food at the hospital, waited to see if I would explode and when I didn't sent me home with pain pills.
He wants to go ahead and perform surgery during the 2nd trimester since the baby is far enough away from my gall bladder to not prevent more complications. There is a chance of pre-term labor since they have to blow carbon dioxide into my abdomen to get the lapriscopic scopes in. I am praying that they are able to perform lapriscopic surgery because it is three one inch incisions versus having a cyclops smiley face composed of my boob and scar.
The surgery is actually performed on an outpatient basis. Which was a little surprising, but I would rater be miserable at home then in a hospital. So now I can look happily forward to losing a body part the week of Thanksgiving. The upshot is I will probably feel well enough to actually have turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy.
I am a bit scared to say the least and I am mostly worried about the baby. Prayers are asked for the baby please.
As if I didn't have enough drama going on in my life my OB dropped me like a hot potato. Since I was going to a practice that had several Doctors I was on a rotation for each visit so I could meet each one of them. I was on my second Dr. when I met Dr. A-Hole. He had no tact and was horribly unprofessional.
The gist of the conversation we had was that I am too fat to be seen by his practice and oh that I am putting my baby in horrible danger. I tried feebly to talk to him prior to his diatribe about my surgery and medication. He waltzed right past that to light into me about how serious of a health threat I am imposing on my child being as over weight as I am. After ten minutes of being told of every worst case scenario of high risk labor and that his practice can no longer treat me I was in tears. I asked him if I could have a moment to compose myself and he continued to babel incessantly. I am not exaggerating in the least to say I was being machine gunned every mother's nightmare by the stuttering Dr. A-hole OB from hell. I had to ask him AGAIN if he could just give me a moment to pull myself together, and he did not stop. Finally I had about all I could take and said "Could you just shut your mouth for a minute." I mumbled as I wept. He snatched up my file and said in a huff as he stormed out of the office, "I can shut up forever!"
At that point my beeper for my blood sugar test was going off and I was able to escape to have my finger stabbed. Surprise surprise my blood sugar is perfect and my blood pressure is even lower than normal for me (and I have really good blood pressure). I am having a tough time keeping it together as I am waiting to get my ultrasound and it seems tainted. I am seeing my baby in person for the second time (first time was when I was admitted to the hospital). I knew that I shouldn't get too comfortable because this is the last time I am going to see this practice, and with good riddance at this point.
After the consult to end all consults and the weepy ultrasound it is time for a PELVIC exam. Now I get to let a man who has pissed me off, told me to go elsewhere, and made me cry stick his fingers inside of me. I don't let my husband do that crap! He then apologizes profusely and for some oddball reason asked me if I wanted to perform a c-section or deliver from "down below". Uhhhh did you mean to tell me a friggin OB just said "down below" do you mean vaginally? Down below, do you mean I want to deliver in Australia, Florida, Mexico...WHAT?!

I walked into the practice hoping for information, reassurance, and a nice ultrasound and left feeling less than human and like the worst Mommy ever. In hindsight I am so glad that I don't have to see Dr. Down Below A-Hole ever again.

The upshot to the worst OB visit ever is that I am now going to a high risk specialty practice at the University of South Carolina. I am going to be seeing people who only deal with high risk pregnancy and I won't have a stuttering jerk telling me I am too fat to be a good mother.
Other than the occasional gallstone pain I am actually feeling really good and I have LOST weight (Hear THAT Dr. A-hole!). You heard me correctly I am have actually dropped a few pounds. Don't worry I am eating my 1800 calories a day and eating very healthy. I have to eat a low fat diet because fat and grease cause the gall bladder to kick into overdrive. Lord knows we want to keep that body part happy for the next few weeks.
That is all for now, I will try to update more frequently
Until next time keep your head in the produce section and you butt out of McDonalds.
Superpucky

Welcome to Crazytown Pop.1 and 1/8th

2009-10-14T19:39:00.004-04:00

Some days you just want to delete right off the ol' DVR of life.
Today would be one of those days. It was a icky wet nasty grey sky'ed chilly mess. There were three wrecks within a mile of one another on the interstate. I had an "assessment" at work today (PC name for a freakin' test). They "discretely" pulled people out of the room to give them their results. People came skipping back in the room proudly telling of their 99 out of 100, 95 out of 100 and similar scores.
I became more and more worried when everyone in the room had been called except for me. Then they call me back into another room which coincidentally had another employee in it. The one trainer stood behind me towering over my chair like a scolding parent. The other one sat next to me with the look of confusion and pity. I opened up the test booklet to reveal a failing grade. It looked like someone bled all over my paper. The first question from the pity face trainer was "What happened?" At that point I think all of the blood I had in my body was pooled in my stomach. My eyes resembled that of a puppy that has been told all the dog cookies were gone and I was a bad bad puppy.
They then proceeded to ask me to go through and demonstrate the sucktittude with which I spectacularly failed. I had to go through question by agonizing question and show my complete ineptness and failure to grasp the material. Oh yes, they did. By the way I did ask Igor behind me to sit down. Due to the fact I was a little freaked to have someone towering over me while I was horribly embarrassed. In a nutshell, it sucked..really freakin' sucked.
The blood began to rush back to my face as I went through the question gauntlet. I could feel the blush beginning and the tears brimming. I managed to suck it up until I was done with the questioning. After I left the room of doom I was trying to dart to the rooms where you can make private phone calls so I could bawl my eyes out alone. OF COURSE someone has to see me and wants to ask me what was wrong. I couldn't talk the tears started streaming and I basically bolted from the area. That person got one of our peer coaches (aka not really a supervisor manager thingy) and sent her to save me from the depths of despair. All I really wanted to do was lose my sh*t, pull it back together and move on with the day. Was that going to happen? Holy poop piles NOOOOOO!
I had to explain that I was feeling all hormonal, and I was over-reacting and I was fine. All the while I am thinking "Leave me alone to have a good sob fest!!!" I finally appeased her and she let me go .
After wiping the mascara from under my eyes and making sure there were no boogies around my nose I made my way back into the class. I was hoping to become one with my chair and remain invisible for the remainder of the afternoon. It was only an hour left in the day, I was almost free. I could find the nearest purveyor of hamburgers and carb load myself into a coma. Then I could go to bed and cry into my sweet little dogs' fur. Well that crap wasn't happening. Yet ANOTHER trainer shows up and calls me out of the room. Out into the hallway where MY MANAGER was waiting for me.
At this point I am ready to pass out from sadness, aggravation and anger. I follow my manager into another chamber of shame. I then begin to regurgitate everything I could think of to get her to believe that I was going to: "soldier forward", "pull up my bootstraps", "go bravely where no pregnant girl has gone before"..blah de blah bull crap blah.
After a HALF HOUR of searching my poor scrambled brain for any semblance of a reason why I failed the first "easy" test we were finally done. I was watching the clock behind her (hopefully not obviously) and it was only five minutes til' complete breakdown time! Hooray! Then a knock at the door and MY MANAGER's Manager pops in. HOOFREAKIN' RAY is the CEO of the company available? I am sure that he would like to put his two cents in about my atrocity of a test. The Manager's manager wanted to make sure everything was OK. No it is not OK, everything is wrong and awful! I need a hug, and a blanket, and my Mommy, and a sticker, and maybe a lolly pop.
So where is that erase button again?

Worky Work Busy Bee!

2009-10-07T20:21:00.003-04:00

I am 10 weeks soon to be 11 and my energy has returned somewhat! I don't feel like I have run a marathon with another person strapped to me at the end of everyday. I am not counting on this trend to continue. I am learning to take this pregnant thing one day at a time.
Work has been hectic, interesting, exciting and believe it or not fun. I am making really cool new friends. Women I actually look up to, like the ex-police officer and military police woman in my class. She can seriously kick butt, she is really smart and super nice. There is a single Mom of four who moved from NY to SC by HERSELF! Holy crap she is my new hero.
These girls are schooling me on pregnancy, being working mom's and they have totally embraced me in the Mommy Sorority! I feel loved SQUEE!
My supervisor is WAY cool, she is a mother of four and her youngest is 6. She has been a working mom most of her career at my job. She is being super supportive of me and my doctor appointment/training conflict issus. She was not able to come down to talk to me during training so she called me on the way home, on her cell phone, on the way to pick up her teenager from school. Go supermommanagerlady YEA! When she called me this afternoon I knew I struck gold with my manager.
Tonight I managed to cook dinner, pick up the house a little bit and I am working on the laundry. I barley got anything done last week but making an imprint of my behind on the couch.
What a difference a week makes!
The only bit of whining I have is my flatulence issues. Good lord I could blow up a hot air balloon and float that sucker to Alaska. It is getting ridiculous y'all. Last night I ran the dog out of my bedroom! (No that is not me being overly dramatic, it actually happened) Thank goodness the trouser symphony kicks off in the evening and early morning so I am sparing my coworkers olfactory senses.
I have to go work on laundry so I must bid you all goodnight.
Remember keep your car in your lane and your nose upwind from me.

Sweet Relief

2009-10-01T13:20:00.004-04:00

Yesterday morning I could have sworn I had a video camera peeking in through my curtains. It felt like I was on some cheesy sitcom and I was waiting for the canned laughter.

I got an email from my HR manager at my new job asking me to call her night before last. The next morning I get up to call her. I get up and dial the number. The ever so sweet fuzband decides to take out the trash and starts to bang the bag on the floor (loudly) while I am listening to the ring. Then I friggin' GET HER NAME WRONG! Not once, not twice, THREE FRIGGIN' times. I am struggling here you guys. If you will recall that when I first interviewed with her and two other managers it was like being interviewed by Mt. Rushmore with matching personalities. Instead of trying to help me out by saying her name she starts saying "There is no one here by that name, I am sorry I don't know who you want.". Yeah...she has people skills. By the way this is a customer service job and this lady has MILES of interpersonal skills. As I am struggling to remember her name the trash banging husband BREAKS WIND in the kitchen. I mean one of those farts that should be recorded in the "Gastrointestinal Hall of Fame". At this point I am paralyzed with fear. Did she hear him fart? Does she hate who ever this idiot who can't remember her name? Oh yeah and I am about to tell her I AM PREGNANT. This is off to a roaring start.

I finally remember her first name and manage to mumble it out and she recognizes that I want to speak to her the HR manager who I have already asked for. Yeah...I can see me going to her with aching personal issues in the future. UGH. I tell her I am pregnant and I get a congratulations so dry it makes Arizona look like a tropical rain forest. I explain to her my concerns and fear about missing training class and getting in trouble for absenteeism. That I want to be open and up front blah blah blah. Believe it or not I get the classic pass the buck. Talk to your manager and talk to your trainer and try to work around their schedule. I might as well have told her that I had warts that needed removing on my left knee and I had to have a procedure done. It was handled with little to no tact. So screw it. I am not going to go to her for jack from here on out. Obviously if she is not concerned about the whole issue I am not going to stress over it myself.

I am going to my OB appointments come hell or high water because this baby is coming whether my job cares or not!

Yeah, the pregnancy hormones have not kicked in at all...

On other fronts I am taking benefiber..take a wild guess why. The scale says I have gained four pounds in two days and I am not buying that it is fat and water. Lets just say things are not moving along like they should. I am going to make stir fry for dinner and see if that doesn't "motivate" things.

Until next time keep your chin up and your lunch down.

I am turning into a bear

2009-09-29T11:24:00.002-04:00

I have gone from not enough sleep to hibernation mode. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. I am overjoyed at the sleep! I just feel like I can't get enough. I feel like my body has been taken over by space aliens and I don't know how to react to it. I guess if you think about it, in a way it has been sort of taken over by an alien (baby). OMG I just called my baby an alien! Well it does have a big head and is tiny and is controlling my entire life from inside me.
I am waiting/ scratch that impatiently stamping my foot waiting for my HR manager to call me. I sent her an email yesterday requesting that we meet this week. I wanted to discuss my "condition" and my upcoming Dr. appointments to see if this was going to be problematic and I should just go find another job. I am all about getting straight to the point. I hate the stupid dance of "Are you going to put up with me being an employee and a mommy? Or am I just going to get canned after you get aggravated with the monthly/bimonthly/weekly appointments so I am screwed in my third trimester and unable to get a job?" Have I been thinking about this much...NOOOO what ever gave you that impression?
I hate obsessing, I hate the unknown, I hate the unpredictable, I hate them all UGH! So you know this whole pregnancy thing has been spectacular for those particular hates right? My body is unpredictable, my life is unpredictable, EVERYTHING is unpredictable now. Everything right now is a gigantic question mark.
Would anyone like some cheese to go with my whine about right now? I am sorry I just had to get that off my chest. Lord knows it is overloaded right now anyways.

It Isnt Easy Being Green

2009-09-28T10:24:00.004-04:00

Yes it is easy to be green actually. I have been green most of this weekend. Green and stooped over calling God on the big white phone. Ahh I couldn't have POSSIBLY escaped pregnancy without barfing my brains out.

Don't forget that romantic 2:15 AM jaunt to the ER with the most excruciating GERD flare up ever. Yes fuzband and I spent three fun filled time wasting hours going to the ER only for the symptoms to subside by the time I actually got to go to a bed. I opted to leave before I had to wait another two and a half hours to actually see the doctor. I figured that if it had gone away then I was out of any real danger. Since I had been riding the vomit comet all night long on Saturday then you know Sunday was even more fun. My poor beat up digestive system was achy and painful. I learned how to fall asleep while nauseated. I think it was plain being exhausted.

Good news is that I woke up today with no nausea and little to no crampiness. I decided to take things easy and ate banana and a bowl of oatmeal. I feel pretty good, I am still a little tired but I think that is to be expected.

Last night fuzband and I went to bed at about 4:00 and did not get up until about 9:00 AM today. I usually rotate around like a chicken on a spit but I managed to get in some pretty awesome sleep. Yes, blessed wonderful great awesome spectacular....SLEEEEEP.

My CVS test has been scheduled for the middle of next month. I am hoping the fact that I have to take off for two Dr. appointments almost immediately after being hired won't screw up my job. I feel torn though, I am NOT sacrificing the well being and health of my child for a job. At the same time I need my job to pay off bills. I am just hoping that my job will understand, if not I will have to look for another job I suppose.

I hate being stuck in this position. I wish I could just stay at home and worry about being a good Mommy and not so much about money. We must do what needs to be done and soldier on. In the end it will all result in me being able to stay at home indefinitely. If I try to stay at home now I will constantly be looking over my shoulder for that one "thing" that will cause me to have to go back to work. I want to tell my baby no because I don't want them to have something, not because I can't afford it.

Ok so I can get all pregnant looking now

2009-09-25T11:33:00.002-04:00

Oh happy day, my mommy clothes have gotten here. After using several pillows and finding just the right one I used it as a placebo baby. I tried them on and dare I say I looked...cute. I looked all mommy-ish. I mean I am sure my face will be much more puffy and my behind may be a bit bigger but I picked out shirts and pants that make being Mommy look pretty darn fetching. I think I got some threads that will take me from now until after the baby is born. I tried to follow all the Girlfriend's guide to pregnancy advice and buy: lightweight, stretchy, cotton, button down (for nursing), big enough, yet flattering clothing that will be suitable for work and home. That wasn't such a tall order to fill was it? I even got a pair of stretchy jeans with a big elastic waist that will more than accommodate me and superbaby.
I can still wear most of my clothes now and fortunately still have a few older bigger clothes to wear so I think I have enough of the size spectrum. I don't think I am going to run out of things to wear.
This morning was absolutely blissful. I woke up and ran to the potty as normal. Then I went RIGHT, BACK TO SLEEP! Oh, there was a low trumpet flourish and a beam of soft light went over my face as I drifted back off to night night land with Flap Jack and Rusty as my wingmen...um..er...wingdogs. I slept until 10:00 and it was everything I hoped it would be. I am really going to enjoy this last week of freedom and excessive sleeping.
The food cravings are in full swing, I have craved hamburgers, veggies, fruit, every dairy product you could possibly name, mac and cheese, baked potatoes, sweet potatoes, more veggies, chinese veggies, and did I mention I be lovin' on some veggies? I sort of roll with the cravings because 9 times out of 10 they are for healthy things. Speaking of food I have to go grocery shopping. I think this might be scary due to the amount of hunger I have been exhibiting, I may need to eat immediately prior to shopping. I can see it now I would come home with nothing but cheese, ore ida fries, and microwavable pizza and hamburgers.
Heh!
Now off to make that grocery list....

Baby Mama Update

2009-09-24T14:02:00.005-04:00

I got canned today. I don't mean people were pelting me with Green Giant nibblets corn. I mean I was "let go", "released from my position", "fired", "ousted", "laid off", "kicked to the curb" etc.
Yes the supervisor I was working for at my temp. job left for the rest of the week (which he neglected to inform me and the temp service of) and a new woman took his place.
A evil shrew of a woman that shall not be named but rhymes with spaniel gave me the heave ho. She was absent for the first week and a half I worked there and when she returned hell came on her heels like flying monkeys. She was crabby, bitchy, PMS-ey, and scary to everyone but the other temp Kim and me. She was scrawny (yes I am going to hate on skinny women for a minute, sorry girls) and looked like she need a good meal, some hot sex, and a big giant margarita. She was horribly uptight, if you had a dull pencil I am sure you could use her ....ok I won't go there.
The first supervisor was very pleased with my performance and all was going along swimmingly until Ms. Voldemort showed up and wielded her bony hips at us and hissed like a possum caught in a trap. I tried to quit twice with the temp service only to be talked down out of the tree. As I suspected our days were numbered and when we returned from lunch today we were informed that "They no loner needed us."
All I have to say is good riddance. I have another job lined up and ready to go, this job was a nice stop gap and some much needed extra income. I am already tired, cranky and a little stressed. Who needs this crap!?
I do however feel for my new found friend who needed the job more than I did. She is a single Mom trying to bust back into the workforce and was hoping the position would last longer than it did. I am going to try to help her find something by perusing careerbuilder and monster in search of employment. Anyone reading can you please say a little prayer for her? God knows who she is and will help her and her baby out.
I am so blessed to have a good husband, a good job, and so far a healthy pregnancy. Meeting my new friend reminded me of how very fortunate I am and that I need to be grateful for everything I have in my life. I am VERY fortunate and VERY blessed. Thank you God!
As far as my pregnancy goes I am still feeling tired. The achy boobage comes and goes. It is not as bad as it was next week, but I am sure that will change. I am starting to have some days with better energy levels which is encouraging.
I ordered four nursing/maternity bras from breakoutbras.com and they arrived today. I am soooo happy I got them now. I tried one on about an hour ago. It felt so good I am still wearing it. It is 100% cotton cups and straps and it feels like HEAVEN. Nothing is hurting, everything is where it should be and I can't feel the bra. It is that comfortable. I see a second order for more in my future.
I went online and bought some maternity like shirts from Avenue, lots of empire waists and baby doll style button down shirts. I am taking a cue from some of the books I have been reading that recommend buying something you can wear long after the baby is born so you can nurse easily and comfortably. I got a few pairs of knit straight leg pants in 30/32 so I can accomodate my belly comfortably and not look like I am wearing tights. I figure I will wear what I own now until they get to small and save the big pants for the third trimester. I got a super deal on the pants only 15.00 each! The shirts were all under 20.00. I think between what I have and what is coming I will be a stylish Mommy.
I went to my first OB appt. last Monday and got a flu shot, had blood drawn, was told I was pregnant (surprise!..? heh). I asked about a gazillion questions and was very pleased with all the answers. I asked for a CVS test (Chorionic Villus Sampling), it is where you take a sample of the fine hair like projections from the placenta and they test it for a multitude of genetic problems. It can screen out Tay Sachs, Downs Syndrome, and a bunch more I can't remember. The bestus part is they can tell me the sex of the baby! I will probably go in for it in about two weeks. It is done going up the birth canal vs. a gigantic scary needle like amnios are done. Much less panic enducing. I am getting this done just because I am a plus size pregnancy and I am close to 35. I would like to make sure everything is going well in there with my Superbaby. The other cool part is that they will have to do an ultrasound so I get to hear my baby's heartbeat two weeks earlier than I would if I waited until my 12 week check up. YAY! I will bring tissues with me.
When I was at my appointment I couldn't help but look around at the new and expectant Mommy's around me, I made a mental note to try to be a little more diligent about my appearance. Perhaps I will get to the point where I am too big or too tired to care. I hope not.
I will make another post soon as I can and try to keep you up to date.
Until next time keep your feet off the coffee table and your finger out of your nose.

Working Girl

2009-09-17T17:52:00.008-04:00

What SuperBaby looks like right now

I know my posts have been a little sparse lately. For that I do apologize. I have had a little bit extra on my plate lately.

I have been working a temp job and I thought it would be no big deal. Of course I thought that BEFORE I found out about Superbaby. It is amazing that something the size of a donut sprinkle can cause you to feel like you have run a marathon all day. I get home from work and I am ready to eat the first thing I see (run doggy run!). After I have found something to devour I go find my new best friend, Mr. Couch. Mr. Couch is my buddy, he is my pal, he is so comfy and loves me so.

I am really getting sick of the painful boobs which are getting bigger. That just plain frightens me. I have always been extra "blessed" when it comes to my spectacular boobage. Now I am frightened of what the titty fairy will be bringing me for Christmas. The Titty Fairy is a product of "The Girlfriends Guide To Pregnancy" which I HIGHLY recommend for anyone who is pregnant or thinking of being pregnant. It tells you everything from the amazing gas that you get to the weird sex dreams, to pooping during labor. Pretty much everything your Doctor won't tell you.

I also feel like I am getting ready to start my period at any second because I have what feels like the start of cramps all the time. Fortunately they are not the curl up in bed and cry cramps they are the "Oh Crap Where is my Tampons!?" cramps. (I know TMI, TMI, sorry you are just going to have to bear with me during this whole pregnant thing.)

I have my first appointment next week. Oh joy a pelvic exam! What I always wanted!!! I will bring you an update on all the news the Dr. has to give.

Why did they just have to show pancakes on TV!? I love pancakes, I love them almost as I love the Fuzband. Ok well maybe not that much, but, I do love them. Now I want pancakes and the pork chops in the kitchen are just not going to look the same.

I finally heard back from the "permanent" job I was waiting on and have been offered a position. Ironically enough I had scheduled an interview about three hours prior because I had not heard from the "permanent" job. There is no stress here because I know I HAVE a job. I am entertaining the idea of working for them vs. desperate and begging.

Until next time keep your feet on the ground and your underwear out of your butt.

Buns Anyone?

2009-09-14T13:23:00.003-04:00

I am probably going to be chastised by someone for announcing this "too" early. SuperPucky is SuperPreggy. Seven weeks to be exact.
Ok, you may get off the floor and return to your seated/laying/floating/orbiting position.
It was September 10th approximately 7:00 PM and I was killing time before I met the Fuzband for dinner. I decided to buy a pregnancy test for sh*ts and giggles since TOM was over a week late. I knew that the result would be negative because it was the week before. I just knew this was a waste of time. Hey, I had an hour to kill and I had to pee so what the hell!
I decided that the Wal Mart bathroom was the best place to pee on a stick and settled to do my business. I fought with the wrapper cursing it silently in the stall and finally got it open. Then I whizzed on the end of it and sat it on top of the toilet paper dispenser to watch the ONE pink line show up. Before the test could completely finish it's two minute requirement TWO lines were staring me in the face. I had already read the instructions on the box and on the test itself. I had to read them again and again. Two lines meant that you are preggers. TWO lines 1,2...one two ment that you are going to have a baby omgyouaregoingtohaveababyomgomgomg!!!
At that point it took everything I had in my being to not scream at the top of my lungs in the handicapped stall of a Wal Mart bathroom for fear someone would think I was mental. I tried to hold in the tears of happiness as I walked out of the bathroom. How crazy would I look coming out of the bathroom at Wallyworld with a goofy smile on my face crying my eyes out.
I called my SuperWeeze before I even made it to the car. Within thirty minutes half of the east coast knew I had ye' old bun in oven. The one person who didn't know was the most important, SuperDaddy. I thought it best to tell him in person lest he put his car upside down on the side of the interstate. That and the fact that he was due any minute to meet me for dinner. In the romantic light of the Mexican restaurant sodium lights I gleefully showed him my two lined surprise.
Now I have hurty tatas and crampiness and smellavision and a little bit of disbelief that in the first week of May I will be welcoming a new person into the world.
I am now working a temp job and I am waiting on my "permanent" job to call me back and tell me that I for reals have a job. The "permanent" job was calling all of my references and checking my job history last week so I assume I should hear something within the next few days.
My life is pretty much inside out and upside down right now and I have this strange feeling of "it is all good" mixed with mild hysteria. I am just rolling with it at the moment.

Depeche Mode, Employment, and other Developments

2009-09-10T13:29:00.004-04:00

Lots o' things happening in the world of Puck right now. Good things, interesting things, weird things and stuff.
Last week I was sooooo sick. Fuzband and I both got a nasty little cold, went to the Dr. got meds and guess who got sicker and who got better? Yes, was I the Lady of the Perpetual Whine and Sneeze who got very, very, very sick. As of today I can officially announce almost one week later I am back to 100%.
I have modified my diet to accommodate the flaming basketball reflux problem. I am avoiding all things acidy and drinking milk and eating small meals and blah de healthy blah blah. The only good thing that came of the vomit-go-round and the illness is the fact that I went from the brink of 299 to back to 291. I hate to lose weight that way, but, I will take lower numbers when I can get them!

Went to Atlanta last week (pre-illness) saw Depeche Mode, they rocked it out......best Concert EVER! I absolutely loved the stage show and the music was amazing. If this show ever comes near you I highly recommend it. I was actually able to snag a T-shirt that FIT yes I got a 2x and the thing fits! This is so way cool considering I have not been able to buy a shirt with a neat logo on it or design because my awesome boobage was too large.
The show was held in an amphitheater and the weather actually cooperated and was even on the coolish side. The atmosphere was very cool people were actually tailgating outside the concert blasting DM from their car speakers. Very very cool people, very very cool crowd. I met some really awesome DM fans and had the time of my life.
For concert accommodations I went on Priceline.com (yes I bet you are picturing William Shatner about right now doing his karate moves) and got the Fuzband and my girlfriend rooms at the Sheraton Atlanta for 50.00 each! The hotel was very, very nice but difficult to maneuver around in. There were two towers so each room had a north and a south twin. The staff was wonderful with the exception of the valets who practically attacked us upon arrival.
I have gotten a job, almost, I have taken the drug test and signed the offer letter. I am now waiting on a phone call to tell me that I have passed all obligatory background checks. A call to confirm that I have been offered a position with them O-ficially. This job process has given me the lab rat feeling, when exactly do I get that cheese? Not only do I have that iron in the fire, but I am working a temp job tomorrow and the next few days. Pretty simple, sit down call people and verify information for an online school, make 9.00 an hour. Yea!
Since I have the impending jobs coming up I needed to bolster my wardrobe with another pair of dress/casual pants and a pair of black shoes. Off to Avenue I went coupons in fist. Now from previous posts you have heard my tales of woe about wearing umpteen different sizes at different stores. So I was fully prepared to try on three or four sizes in each pant I tried on. To my delight the clerk found the perfect khaki's at a decent price. Do you know what size I wore? Do you? Hmmm? A twenty freakin' two! Holycrapomgwowzer! Yes the size 26 pants actually were SAGGY! They didn't have any 24's in that style so I was forced to try on a pair of 22's and they fit! They really fit! I mean yes they are a little snug here and there but that is nothing that cannot be smoothed out with the proper pair of Spanx. I am actually opting to buy my clothes slightly small right now so I don't shrink out of them when my weight goes down again. I actually bought a few shirts on clearance in anticipation of needing them when my other shirts begin to get a little too big.
Of course Avenue being Avenue I could not resist picking up a short sleeved light weight red ribbed sweater. (was that enough adjectives there for ya?) A long sleeved black one button lightweight cardigan and boots. Yes the mostest awesomest boots. I felt like Wonder Woman prancing around in the boots. The superhero feeling was there for several reasons, 1. I could put on a pair of boots with a heel 2. I could actually walk in them 3. They are flattering 4. they are stylish and in fashion. I got a pleather black pair with a nice little chunky heel and a pair of chocolate suede espadrille heel pair. How much did I spend for all the loot you ask? 102.00 for all of it. Yes, you read correctly two pair of boots, one pair of pants, one shirt and a cardigan for 102.00. I am still reeling myself, I saved over 50.00 in coupons and sale prices. I claim shopping coux of the week!
Lastly TOM is conspicuously missing. He was supposed to be here on September 2nd if you go by the last two cycles or he was supposed to be here on the seventh or eighth if you go on what my cycles USED to be. Umm today is now uh the 10th and we have no TOM. I took a pregnancy test about a week and a half ago when he first went missing and it came up negative. Now I am wondering should I go back and get another? Is TOM just hiding out because of all the stress and illness or is there a bun in the oven????? Will keep you updated.
Until next time keep your feet on the ground and your fingers out of your nose.

Fritter, Depeche Mode and September

2009-08-31T14:49:00.007-04:00

Fritter, no not the kind you eat at the fair.

Fritter like when you are playing the hurry up and tell me how the next few years of my life are going to go fritter. Tell me if I am going to get this job. TellmeifIamgoingtogethisjobnowdammit!
The head hunting firm tells me last week we should know something by the end of the week (that was last week). The actual company I will be working for tells me THREE WEEKS. Uhhhhhh bit o' discrepancy there folks? So I sent off an email to the recruiting firm agent that was the nicest to me and asked for some clarification. I am hoping I didn't sound desperate and the vague hint of "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" didn't bleed through on the email.

I am finally making friends with the idea that I am going back to work. At first I looked at it like the mean girl with freckles and red hair that picked on me while on the school bus. Then I looked at going back to work as a teacher who loved to give extra school homework. I have finally made to the phase of, ok well extra money will be nice and lack of anxiety at bill paying will be nice. So now the going back to work thing is sort of like a friend I don't know much about but I will give it the college try to be nice to.

UPDATE:

Just got return email from headhunting firm:

We should know something by the end of this week. I heard your interview went well and they are considering you. I will let you know more as soon as I can.

OK I don't think I am reading anything into that when I say OMG OMG OMG OMG.....it sounds like "I think you have the job but my head will be on a pike if I tell you that because I can't because they haven't O-ficially announced it."

Hooray huzzah and what not. About 38% of anxiety has been alleviated. More to come on Frrrriday.

SuperWeezie will making her exit on Wednesday which does bring a measure of angst to my heart. It will be bittersweet to see her go. The moving is a good for her and full of anxiety for the both of us.
Tomorrow, tomorrow we'll start the day tomorrow with a road trip to......HOTLANTA. I am going to see the bestus most wonderfullest greatest band in the history of bandom...Depeche Mode. (oooh feel the collective shudder) I have been waiting since I was 13 to go see this band. Primarily because I have not lived close enough to go see them and didn't have the funds to do so. So the bright shiny spot has finally arrived for this week I get to go scream my lungs out tomorrow for one of my most favorite bands ever!

Lastly, since I wrote a letter to August it seems only fair to write to September.

Dear September,

Oh sweet September, full of promise of lower temperature and football. September home of Labor Day and last summer hurrah. How I love you September, do you love me too? Will you be nicer to me than that A-Hole August?

You have already made me uber happy with nice seventy ish degree weather for my most favoritmus band ever concert. You have also chosen to have that concert on the first day of the month. How very nice of you September.

I know by the end of the week you will let me know that I have gotten a job or not. Oh please September be nice to me give me a few more weeks of sweet freedom before I am bound by a work schedule. Give me fuzzy puppy nuzzles and sleeping in late with the Fuzband.

If you want you can make TOM disappear for nine months. If you can't manage that this month can you put in a good word for me with October? See me and October go way back, we are buds.
See you in about 8 hours September, boy I sure am glad you are almost here.

Extra Sloppy Kisses,
SuperPucky

Absenteeism

2009-08-29T03:49:00.004-04:00

I am sure I probably mispelled absenteeism, at 3:50 AM who gives a crap anyway.

Things have not been really super for SuperPucky.

Disclaimer
.....this is a cathartic post and not particularly sunshine and roses type diatribe so feel free to skip.

Let us begin the list because I just have to get this off my chest:

1. Acid reflux attacks-imagine a basketball that has nails sticking out of it inside of your chest. This basket ball is slowly being inflated and then lit on fire while it over inflates. The pain is excruciating and if I had not already had one before you would swear to God it was a heart attack. Pain so unbelievably bad I was driving like a bat out of hell to the nearest hospital with nothing but panties a night shirt and my Dooney and Bourke. This is now under control thanks to medication. Praise god for Protonix.

2. SuperWeezie moving, SuperWeezie is getting her own place which is causing a little chaos in my home. Normal moving B.S. and the stress of change which for folks like me with anxiety just plain sucks.

3. The UTI that will NOT go away, lets just say that I am on round TWO of different antibiotics and I am getting sick of orange pee and cranberry juice (this begins week two). I am probably going to have to go to the Dr. AGAIN because I don't think the new one is working. Frickity, frick frick.

4. Two words....root friggin' canal, well that was three but dammit I don't care. Normally this "painless" procedure is not so bad and it is done in two visits. Oh nooooooo not for me during the month from hell. I take three visits on the second of which the Novocaine does not get to the area where they are driving WIRES into the roots of my gums. Yes wires....so four roots four wires eight indentations on the arm rests of my dentist's chair. Brush your friggin teeth and don't insult the tooth fairy what ever you do people..seriously.

5. Time for Diflucan, side effect and primary symptom of root canal is abcess in gums and requires antibiotics. Which triggers a need for Diflucan and if you know what that med is for then you know how much fun that is and the fact I had to go get another one for the UTI from hell.

6. Spectaculary failure of the following:
a.) Dieting. (Can we say late night secret eating and gaining back 10 of the lost pounds and creeping back toward 300...holy bat shit)
b.) Not Smoking. I am smoking, not a lot, not a friggin chimney two pack a day lot about four to five. (not good not at all good)
c.) Exercising-YMC wha? when you have zero energy to barely clean your home and you feel like you have been kicked by a horse in the back just does not elicit the urge to sweat and "feel the burn"
d.) Co-Dependency-Hey you got a problem......I SuperPucky Supreme Queen of EVERYTHING can fix off of your problems. Because...hey you know since my shit is spectacularly fucked up I will be happy to ignore my problems and dwell on yours.
e.) Budgeting, sure I need those shoes, and that shirt and all those songs on I-Tunes..sure I do yeah, really need them.

f.) Anger Management, lets just say that I won't be going in a certain Office Depot any time soon and that will be another post for another day.

7. Job. I didn't even make it a fargin' year. I have to go back to work. I don't care if we cut out eating there just isn't enough wiggle room in the budget to allow me to stay at home to nurse my five gagillion ailments, lose weight and baby prep. Needless to say that since the want ads have gone from actually being a section in the paper to a three page joke full of people trying to sell ratty furniture that has been difficult. Bright spot on the horizon I am in the "HurryupandtellmeifIgotthedamnjob" mode as I had a final interview last week. Bleak spot on horizon no call backs on anything else. Is Wal Mart or McDonald's hiring? Waffle House is starting to look pretty damn good now. Damn economy.

8. Baby....In my infinite lack of wisdom I think in the midst of all turd storm of a month to dispense with contraception and start trying. I think it will be a brilliant idea to purchase the book What to Expect Before You are Expecting. One third of the way into the book I was ready to cry my eyes out and put a bullet in my brain. According to the last word on baby making you have to be Mother Theresa to get pregnant and I am pretty much a Concubine of the Devil. Oh and don't let me forget to mention that when I made the mistake of going to a CVS "Minute Clinic" to get the meds on a Sunday because I thought I was going to pass out from pain fever chills and the constant need to pee three drops. A man who reminds me of Milton from Office Space who could never in a majillion years take up gynecology insists that I am about to miss my period and I could be pregnant. Now I just ovulated about three days prior to my visit and he is telling me that I should be missing my period by now. Yeah he is brilliant and eloquent because he could barely get out the instructions for a clean catch urine sample. So after explaining that there is about a sliver of a gnats ass hair chance that I am pregnant and that you get false positives this early what does he do with my urine, gives me a pregnancy test. I am sure this is because they don't want "Minute Clinic" to be sued for a flipper baby or worse. I know he had to do the test, but he SMUGLY shows me the test as if to say, HAH see you AREN'T pregnant. That man had the bedside manor of well....MILTON...."Um I believe you have a um UTI.....". Unlike many women who sigh a breath of relief to get this news my soul just shrank a little. I know it could be false negative, but I REALLY didn't need that after all the b.s. that you have read prior to this.

9. Insomnia, yeah, this post is being written at 4:30 AM, I was up to 4:30 AM yesterday and doesn't seem to be getting better. I wonder why I can't sleep?!

10. Disney, I will not be going back to Disney in November to see all the pretty lights and ooh and aaah. No going to enjoy the uber cheap bounce back price I got and free food. Due to our spectacular financial situation that just didn't make sense at all. I know it sounds contrite and spoiled but that was really a light at the end of the tunnel for me. Plus if I get this job I don't believe it is prudent to immediately ask for a week off from mandatory training.

11. Therapy, this should not be shocker, I am now back in therapy to help me deal with items 1-10 and all the other bat shit crazy flying around in my poor overworked brain. I am glad I ended with Therapy because that will get me back where I need to be at what should be focusing on myself and my spirituality.

In conclusion I would like to write a letter to August 2009.

Dear August 2009,
You suck. You are hot and humid and you are a flaming turd on the calendar. I am so glad that I do not have to endure you again. I am glad that you are in the past and that September is coming and it WILL be better. I will make sure it is better. Even if September has a few rough patches it will come nowhere near the sucktitude of you. So good riddance. I hope the next few days until the 1st will give me some respite from all the crap you have thrown at me.
I finally got some sense in my head and realized I needed to stop looking around like a lunatic for help. That I NEEDED to ask for help and pray to someone who is a LOT smarter than me. I got me some Jesus and that is all I need, that and a good nights sleep.

Sincerely,
Semi Super-Soon to be SuperPucky

To those of you if any who stuck it out and read this whole entry thank you for participating in Whine FEST 2009 (tickets are not refundable). Funny lighthearted and encouraging posts will return I SWEAR.

Exercise...and one and two and three

2009-07-31T01:09:00.003-04:00

Today I was at the gym and it has gotten me thinking about things related to going to a gym and exercise in general.
Have you ever noticed that the majority of exercise equipment accessories etc. are geared toward everyone but the ones that need to the most? For instance, I want basketball shorts, you know the kind that are slinky and won't go all hungry butt/crotch on me. (Picture old woman at amusement park with her shorts going up like the letter V toward parts that shall not be named.) That light/shiny type material that is not clingy and comfortable to wear. Oh yes I would love a pair of those. Problem? I cannot locate them in my size. Apparently large women only need sweat pants style or Bermuda shorts.
Apparently we big folk don't like basket ball but love bunched up material between our
legs. Yes it would be pleasant to wear something other than yoga pants, capri pants and sweat pants to the gym. Mainly because I get hot, I am big and I am trying to be un-big and that requires EFFORT. But if you are as big around as my thigh there are forty two billion kinds of shorts in every color that Rainbow Brite could shoot out of her butt. Who needs to work out more I tell you WHO?? Is it girls like me, or the girl who looks like she might pass out if she doesn't EAT SOMETHING!?
I would also like to buy a sports bra that is: 1.) in my size 2.) Doesn't make me look like I have a uni-boob 3.) Does not require a loan to buy because I would actually like to buy more than one, and 4.) actually works properly. I have looked and the only ones I could locate were retardedly expensive and I am sorry I am not kicking out close to a hundred bucks for ONE bra.
I would like a bigger variety of gym shoes for my size. I know that there are other size 11 ladies out there, don't they like shoes too? I went to a local sports store and asked to see what they had in the way of cross training shoes. They had two pairs, let's count them together, one, two. Very good! The first pair were fugly the second pair were even fuglier. I found my pair of New Balance at a store that was located inside that store. A concept that sort of perplexed me but, I digress. They actually had several shoes in my size. Thank God for New Balance.
The other sad thing I noticed at my gym is the lack of folks with extra junk in the trunk. I mean us that have been couch jockeys. I guess they are waiting until January to get back in there. I suppose that they are busy pile driving cookies so they don't have time to join me at the gym. I know I am being a tad hypocritical. I am after all the girl who paid for a Gold's Gym membership and then bearly went a hand full of times.
I just felt super uncomfortable there when I went to Gold's Gym. I suppose I just wasn't commited enough to exercising. I have just as much right to go in and sweat my brains out as the guys who dearly love to grunt and stare at them selves while weight lifting. I sometimes felt self conscious about the women who would come in wearing next to nothing and the men who would gawk at them. I think that is why I love exercising at the YMCA. I don't have to deal, for the most part with half dressed women. Occasionally some little teeny bopper cheerleader type will come in with their skimpy could be underwear shorts and tiny little baby doll shirts. These girls will get looks from men who make me want to arrest them for being pervy.
I suppose that there is not a huge market for plus size exercise equipment, but maybe there would be less plus size clothing if there were. Just a thought.

Wine, Foot Pain and Insomnia

2009-07-28T03:42:00.003-04:00

Hello I am drinking wine at 3:42 AM. Why am I drinking wine at 3:42 AM? Because it seemed like the best idea at the time. It is 2:44 AM and I decide to lay down and try to sleep because well, it is 2:44 AM. Flapjack the most nomable dachshund ever thinks I am his own personal salt lick, Fuzband is doing his best impression of a candy machine from Dr. Seuss and my foot well...it decides to send mind numbingly sharp pains up my heel and into my leg. Ya know all the things that can lull a girl to sleep right!? Aaaaaant....wrong answer.
My befuddled mind thinks..wine yeah...that will make me sleepy....(visions of alcoholism and flipper handed babies waltz through my head). Mmmm wine that is in the fridge and maybe a low fat cheese stick so I can be all sophisticated and what not. Oh and there must be some fat free triscuits to go with the wine. Yes we cannot have wine and cheese with out the monkey grabbin' triscuits!
Isn't it romantic? You, me the wine, triscuits, my right contact freezing up and the triscuits? Oh yeah...you know you want this. (picture Wal Mart Just My Size tank top and shorts living it up on the couch)
I am hoping that the sleep deprivation of my impending motherhood will make me sleep. Yes I am actually looking forward to sleep deprivation to keep me from having insomnia. Yes that would be great, the ability to lay down and just...sleep! Oh what wonders it will bring, actually falling asleep when you want to.
I envy my husband who can just think too hard about sleeping and sleep. He could probably fall asleep anywhere and anytime he wants. Me...I have to have eight billion pillows aligned with seventh house of Mars, a fan, laying in the just right position, with just the right thought in my head, and a small miracle to fall asleep. Fuzband no he is over there on a stump with a rock for a pillow sawing logs with a peaceful look on his face. It is not fair no fair, wah no fair.
Ok I am done winenining about my insomnia and boring you to tears. Ta ta.

Visible Results

2009-07-26T18:52:00.006-04:00

My hard work is now becoming more apparent. I have now gone from a Catherines size 32 to a Catherines size 22. The reason I qualify the size is that it seems like I am a different size at each store I go to. At Belk I am a 24W at Avenue I am a 26, at Wal Mart I am a 3x, so at any rate I am smaller than I was. I frankly think I was larger than a 32 because at my largest a 32w/5x from Catherines were a little too snug.

It is nice to see the fruits of my labor finally produce some results. It has been very encouraging to feel like I am making progress. I was thinking about how long it has been since I wore this size and it has been at least 10 years! I feel like I am going back in time.

The proof is in the new orange t-shirt below:

Before

3/9/09

After

7/26/09

(Nice toothpaste on the mirror huh, and keys hanging out of backpocket?)

That is all for now, Goonies is on TV and one must have priorties!

Pain, Goals and SuperPucky Family Report

2009-07-20T13:48:00.007-04:00

Happy to exclaim that I am 89.9% pain free right now. Sometimes at night I will get a tweak or a twang of pain now and then. I think that is just from carrying around all this weight.
Fuzband is down almost 6 pounds! SuperFuzband is not in anyway obese just needs to drop a few pounds. Five and a half pounds for him is a big victory. Golly gee we are going to be the most cutest couple ever! :P Way to go Fuzband!
SuperWeezie is down 30 lbs, hooray! I suppose it is from being the presence of SuperPucky that the fat cells are fleeing in fear of my awesomeness. Actually it is from eating healthy, perhaps a healthy dose of pushy/bratty little sister and a whole lot of courage on her behalf. She signed up at the YMCA (yes the song is in my head now). (Huzzah and applause and whatnot for YMCA joining). She got all motivated and worked out, then we attacked the SuperCar (aka Weezie's Ford Tarus) and cleaned the bejeebus out of it. It even got a fancy pants air freshener from Yankee Candle.
Also the fat fairy was out and about last night she stole another pound from me. I am now 59 pounds down and 41 pounds away from my next milestone. Forty one pounds is so close I can taste it!
Yesterday I realized that I am quickly approaching 100 pounds from goal. When I started my goal weight seemed so far away that I dared not even imagine what it would be like to hit it. I did not want to build myself up to much only to dash my own hopes. Now I have realized how important it is to keep the goal on the horizon. If you can visualize success then you can be successful. Very zen way of thinking, and it works. I try my best before I go to sleep at night to imagine what it will be like to be smaller to be healthier. I imagine what it will be like to chase after my child and not get out of breath. What it will be like to get on all fours and pretend that I am a wild elephant and my knees won't kill me. What it will be like to tell people I have literally lost half my body weight in two years and watch the jaw open. To proudly tell people, "Yeah, I used to weigh 350 pounds and get the inevitable "How'dja do it, bariatric surgery, lap band?" Nope, just me myself and I.
I have been laughing in my head at the comedian Ralphie May from Last Comic Standing: "You know you are fat when you lose a 100 pounds and you are still fat!" At first I didn't think it was funny, now I am seeing the humor in it. I approach my first 100 pounds lost I understand what he meant.
To me 100 pounds down will be a huge event, a big accomplishment, something to be really proud of. To someone who just met me they will still see the bulges here and there and think "Wow she must have been really big to still be this big 100 pounds later." That was a sobering realization. It is good to sit back and revel in victory for a moment but the war is still raging. I am not not done yet.
So here's to 59 pounds down and 111 more to go (85 pound half way mark will be here soon!)!
Keep your feet on the ground and your ass out of the Nestle Toll House Cookie Shop.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

2009-07-17T13:18:00.005-04:00

Good news folks if you have checked out "The Final Countdown" gadget on the right hand side column you are noticing the trend of the pounds is down down down! Yesssssss! Sweet success, sweet victory! I stepped up the pushing back from the table, taking smaller portions and voila success! Even though my back and my schedule has kept me out of the gym I am still losing weight! Thank the dear Lord! It is so exciting to see a different (and not higher) number on the scale pop up.
I am hoping that today I will be able to make it to the gym, I have already had a gzzzrrrrt (see previous post) today while picking up orange juice container off the counter. Freakin' orange juice people! I had to shout "Get behind me devil! I will not let you stop me!" I swear good ol' pointy head is trying his level best to get me to retire to bed and wallow in self pity. I will not go quietly into the night, I will continue to fight the good fight here folks!
I am still reeling from realizing that I am down 58 freakin' pounds! It is just blowing my mind. This on the heels of a fantabulous SuperPucky announcement.
I......

am...

going....

back....

to...

DISNEY!
:::doin' the SuperPucky Shuffle!:::::
Yes, yes ladies and germs I am going back during the holidays too! I will get to see Disney World in all it's Christmas finery! I am sooo super excited. While I will miss the SuperWeezie it will be very Romanticle to be just the SuperFuzband and I! One of the other cool things is that Space Mountain will be reopening shortly before we go! Each time I have gone to Disney it has been closed or I didn't get to go on it for one reason or another, this time I am sooo on it doggone it!
The Hall of Presidents has been revamped and will be open too which will be tres cool! I have to admit it is one of my favorite exhibits, it makes you proud to be an American.
I got a "bounce back" deal which is a super spectacular offer for folks who have recently gone. I am going for five days four nights to a "value" resort (a lower priced Disney resort which is still nicer than the flea bag express). The package included four nights at a Disney Resort, five days of park tickets, and FREE FOOD! They are running a special right now for certain times of the year you get the disney dining plan FOR FREE! What was the cost of all this spectacular fun you ask? How bout right around 850.00. The only thing I have to come up with is gas money and souveniers. We have food, lodging, and fun already covered in the one price. When they quoted the amount over the phone I almost fell over.
Oh I am so excited that I will be going back at the very least 15 to 20 pounds lighter, and if I have anything to do with it that number will be even higher. I have to step up my treadmill action so I can handle hours on end of walking. That reminds me, I need a new pedometer, my other one took a dip in the ocean. (yes I am looking at you SuperFuzband) I got to get up over 10,000 steps a day again because we averaged around 12,000 to 13,000, 15,000 being our highest.
Ah, I can almost hear "Wishes" now.

Random Thingy Things and Stuff

2009-07-13T18:05:00.003-04:00

Hi ho folks Amanda the Puck here. Pucky with the achey backy ugh-y. (ok I just made myself nauseous with the extraneous use of the eee sound).
I had the bestus time ever on Saturday night watching two of the cutest children ever. I am not kidding they were exceptionally well behaved and sweet. The only two lingering side effects from my babysitting are: 1. Baby fever getting worse 2. back ache. I happily gave the two rugrats a bath and we were having a big ol time playing stinky feet, stinky hiney and stinky pits. After it was all said and done I had to get them out of the bath tub. Sooo with out even a second thought I lifted them up and out of the tub. Wrong answer...by the time I was headed home I had the tell tale twinges popping around my lower back muscles.
I pretended the twinges weren't there and pretended my back wasn't achy. The next morning I set about getting ready for guests to come over when gggzzzrrrrrrt zap gzzzzrrrrt. If you are wondering why there are all sorts of strange letters there they stand for the pains that go shooting through my lower back muscles at the weridest moments. The first one was when I went to grab a hand towel to wipe my face after teeth brushing. Because you know it was a fifty million pound towel with amazing abilities. At that moment I knew that I was in trouble. The pain was so severe I gasped and couldn't move for about a minute and a half. Fuzband was brushing his teeth and looked perplexed that picking a towel off the rack would induce such pain. If you have ever gotten an electric shock that is precisely what the pain in my back felt like except add some stabbing needle pain in there with it. So I suppose if someone took knitting needles and hooked them up to a car battery and then jammed them in your back muscles that would be close to the pain I feel at unexpected unpredictable moments.
I took some advil last night and fell asleep so I thought to myself, this is not a really bad back episode you will be fine. Denial is not just a river in Egypt folks. I got up today with all sorts of plans of laundry and YMCA and baking roasting hens. About half way through laundry gzzrrrtt zap gzzzzrttt even more painful from yesterday and now with a pleasant aching after taste. I fought it but out came the Darvocet and the Flexiril. So much for YMCA, baking and putting up the laundry that I am about to finish.
Here I sit waiting on my pills to kick in putting in an entry and frustrated that my body is not co-operating with the program. I am doing so well on the weight loss front. I am exercising, I have tons of energy I get lots and lots of things done and boom set back. I know I cannot push myself harder than my body will allow and the whole no pain no gain shtick but dammit dammit dammit. Instant gratification nowwwww! Huh...isn't that what got me in this whole predicament to start with? I mean if I didn't eat what ever I wanted when ever I wanted over the last ten years I wouldn't be having this back ache now would I?
Hard cold truth is what this back ache is, it is a reminder of the damage I inflicted upon myself for a decade of sadness. THANK GOD it is over with. Thank you God that I have seen a different way of life and that I have changed things.
Thank God that I have lost 16% of my total weight since October of last year. That's right 16%! I was just doing a little figuring today after I did my morning weigh in and was floored to figure that I am 1/3 of the way to my goal weight and 55 pounds down in 9 months! I am so blessed to be in the position I am in right now to lose weight, exercise and take care of myself. Sometimes I have to step back and pinch myself to make sure this is all real. I recall how absolutely miserable I was October of last year.
You know what the final straw was? A back ache. Ironic isn't it? Mind you that back problem landed me immobile in bed for a day or two. It was much worse than this one. I remember going to the Doctor and begging him for help and begging him for something, anything to get me started. He gave me a miracle drug that got me away from my food addiction. Phentermine, whoever invented Phentermine has my undying gratitude.
I remember the desperation of that day thinking of all the things that my weight had done to me, it had robbed me of:
self respect
the ability to go up and down the THREE stairs to my front door without my husbands help or leaning on the railing
my ankles
stamina
energy
my neck
the ability to breath at night w/o being propped up by pillows
the ability to turn over easily in bed
a normal dress size
being able to go into a small bathroom stall
feeling like a sensual/beautiful woman
my zest for life
my ability to get pregnant without endangering myself/my baby or both
the ability to make a grocery store trip without being completely spent afterward

I have gained almost everything in that list back. The only exception is the pregnancy, but we are almost there, only 45 more pounds to go on that one.
I am so happy to say that I am so much more mobile than I used to be and I am over the moon that it is only getting better. I am actually looking forward to my life and my future again. I feel hopeful. Hope is a powerful presence it is the most important thing you need in a weight loss endeavor. It pains me to think that there was such a time in my life when I had none. It also makes me very, very, thankful.
I want to take a minute to thank some of the people who have been there for me when no one else was:
Jesus Christ
Dad
my sisters
my husband
my best friend Andrea-you started kicking me in the ass when no one else had the courage-thank you.
Thank you to everyone again and if your name is not on that list and you consider yourself one of those people, you are.I am grateful to you, I am just on pain meds and that is probably why I forgot to add you to the list and why I am getting all wistful and misty right now.
Also thank you to Blogger and my readers for being an audience for my struggle and giving me a cathartic outlet to vent to.
You all have my gratitude.

Drug Store Candy Bar Pusher and Line Cutters

2009-07-10T11:02:00.008-04:00

OK so I am all 54 pounds skinnier and what not and at Walgreens. I am all excited because I am actually picking up actual paper photos! Imagine that, they can be printed! Anyway back to my story. I was at Walgreens and about to leave when a woman who probably weighed in at around 275-280-ish and about 5'5" or 5'6" begins to pressure SuperWeezie and I to buy candy bars. I don't mean "Hey there are candy bars are on sale." I mean full on-out and out high pressure pitch to buy candy bars. I politely refused once, twice, THREE TIMES!! I even told her that I had lost 54 pounds and I don't need to gain any back. Not even a way to go, good job, Holy Crap how did you do that, just another pitch, "Well then you can buy it for someone else." -This is now attempt FOUR! Then she moves on to Weezie. At this point I have reached the upper levels of pisstivity and I say "For the love of God lady if you offer me a candy bar one more damn time!" At this point my hair is on fire and my teeth are at full itch.
I try to bolt for the door but the mother nature apparently wanted me to eat candy. It is raining sideways...not down, not slightly to the left, SIDEWAYS. It is blowing on me as I am trying to exit. Of course I do not have an umbrella! Of course I am carrying pictures that could be ruined by rain! Of course I am stuck here with the oompa loompa trying to hawk candy bars at me! I retreat from the biblical flood and try to stay as far as humanly possible from Candy Lady (which is difficult considering she is only about a millimeter away from the door).
You would think that a woman who weighs about as much as I do crammed into a 5'5" frame would be more sympathetic to another fellow plus size woman on a DIET! Nope, she was pushing that candy like crack. As SuperWeezie and I are hiding next to the shopping carts I hear her discussing her failed effort to hawk candy to the manager. They begin discussing the different tactics of candy-bar-shoving-down-throat-onomics. At this point to hell with the rain, my hair, my clothes, what is left of my temper, my pictures, I am so getting the ham sandwich out of there.
As I wrote this post I began to get angry again, and I know there are other fellow dieters out there that went to this Walgreens and got the same act. I know these other people fighting the good fight may have not been as strong or got pissed and weren't as outspoken. After feeling all this righteous indignation I hopped on ye old interweb net thing and found the customer service number for Walgreens. I am waiting on a call from the store manager of the Walgreens of Diet Doom and I will expect some sort of nice apology from him.
Go me.
Fast forward to about 9:00 clock yesterday, I am at Wal Mart (cursed stores that start with Wal) to buy frames for the very same pictures. I am in the self check out line patiently(check that) impatiently waiting for an available register. Then I see them, the evil family the "We all look like we could use a comb, a bath, a slap across the forehead, and a visit from Ms. Manners" family. The look like they are plotting something evil, something sinister, they are looking around with little grins on their faces. They are in the line right next to the self check out, they are attempting to cut between two of the self check out registers to bypass the five or six other people waiting in line to use the self check out. The five or six people who are at this point ready to go back and pick up some torches and pitch forks and head for customer service. At this point enter the heroine of our story, Wal Mart Cashier Czar of Self Check out area. She politely informs the Evil Family that they have bypassed all the people in line to make their way to the registers.
I being SuperPucky of the big mouth clan have to loudly thank the Czar of Self Check Out for her act of bravery saving all poor line waiters the indignity of line cutting. The Evil Mother says "Well I didn't know this wasn't the end of the line" (Insert chicken head like head swivel, attitude and dirty look.) SuperPucky of the Loud Mouth indignified line waiters just has to reply "Yeah right. The line ends behind all of us." Referring to before referenced poor line waiters who are now grumbling and beginning to contemplate finding those pitch forks.
Evil Mother begins to spout some diatribe full of double negatives, unintelligible word diarrhea and something including "She gonna get sassy, I can get sassy too." SuperPucky not one to back down for the little guy and especially not my ego/temper (which has at this point had just about enough of being tested today) spouts back,"If it means THAT much to you please go right ahead and check out."
The Evil Family sensing that they have actually made someone angry gets all excited and begins to simultaneously spew unintelligible poorly enunciated word vomit all over the place. At this point I am so over this whole Jerry Springer episode of "Wal Mart check out line-What evah what evah I do what I want". I just checked my crap out and got out of there. Might I add I was done before the evil family and in my car leaving before they exited the building? HAH! (Tis' I who had the last laugh and left first.)

Seeing Red

2009-07-09T03:17:00.002-04:00

Hello folks! I am now a red head. Not one of those red heads that if you turn just right underneath the light in the kitchen I mean reeeeed. I don't look like Ariel from the Little Mermaid but it is purty. I will take a photo of said hair once it is fixed and looks nice.
Oh and yeah.. by the by I have lost.....54 pounds FIFTY FOUR...54 five foooour! Hooray! Fifty four pounds...:::boing boing boing boing:::I only have 46 more pounds to lose until baby time!
It is 3:24 AM and I just now got tired so I am going night night before this post becomes incoherent.

As promised pictures from the beach

2009-07-07T08:51:00.013-04:00

As you know SuperWeeze and I went to the beach ^

We twinkled our toes in the water and the sand

We cruised Ocean Blvd.

We had fun in the sun We went to the aquarium to look at the fish

And to act like the fish
We even drank a little beer! (Ok maybe a slightly large beer or two)
We spent some time in Margaritaville, some more so than others.
There was a salt shaker on every table!
We got in touch with our inner rock star.

We (she) got a little crabby (SuperWeeze has quit smoking-huzzah!)
Until next time...

The Missing Puck

2009-07-07T00:23:00.006-04:00

Sorry to leave all one billion SuperPucky readers in the lurch during the fourth of July holiday. SuperWeezie and I decided to take a spur of the moment trip to Myrtle Beach. We had a fabulous time and on a budget to boot!
I was very excited that my stamina was right where it is supposed to be, I only got a little tired at the end of the day and that was nothing unusual. I really enjoyed getting honked at by a trucker. I am not kidding, it was nice to actually get honked at while I was pumping gas by a trucker. Once you get to be a certain size you stop thinking of yourself as being sexy anymore. I think I might actually be getting my mojo back. I don't want to get the big head or anything so I will keep that in check.
On to other news I did my first full work out at the YMCA since I left almost immediately after joining. It was fabulous, I have really missed being able to go to a gym and get away from everything. I put on my headphones and just pour myself into a work out. I got a handy dandy Ipod armband which made it very easy to switch tunes while exercising. I was feeling so good by the end of the work out and once I had gotten home and caught my breath I felt absolutely fantastic. I forget the high you get from the endorphins after working out.
I think the Wii fit was the springboard I needed back into true exercise. I was so embarrassed by my size when I started out. I felt like a baby bird flopping around in the nest trying to get my bearings. My balance was off, my coordination was horrid. After shedding the first fifty pounds I got a lot of that back. I see women who are the size I started out at and larger and my heart aches for them because I know how hard it is. I wonder if anyone looks at me and thinks the same thing...
On to other subjects I have decided to rejoin the workforce temporarily. After looking at the amount of debt that we have I thought it might be good to get some of it paid down before we add a SuperPuckette or Fuzbaby to the family. So off to the races I went today all quaffed and gussied up and what not. I actually have a few interviews lined up right off the bat. I am bouncing between temping and waiting tables. Both offer instant money fairly quickly so I am going to see which one happens to give me a job and which pays better. Waiting tables may be a great way to help my weight loss endeavors as well. All that running around for water and sweet tea is bound to help. We shall see.
Pictures from Myrtle Beach are coming I just have to crop and fix and brighten etc..
Until then keep your feet on the ground and your head out of your cereal bowl.

It's Fun to Stay at the...

2009-06-30T10:28:00.005-04:00

(You are secretly singing the song in your head right now with the trumpets blaring all disco style in the background right now aren't you?)

Yesterday was nutso. I went grocery shopping for the entire month, saw optometrist, bought gym shoes, picked up a letter from Blue Cross Blue Shield, found time to eat in there somewhere, and joined the Y-M-C-A. ::doing YMCA dance:::

I am now a card carrying member of the Y-M-C-A :::still flailing arms doing YMCA dance, bonked puppy with grandma jiggle-oops:::: I had a much better person giving me the tour she actually did and said everything she was supposed to do. I have an appointment with a real live trainer thingy at 2:00 I am vury vury excited.
I went and spent way too much money on vury cool shoes.

New Balance WX1010WB aka my new fantabulous shoes

You know what though, I think that I have spent money on stupid crap and shoes I don't wear that often and these shoes are going to be my best buddy on my journey to smallness. These shoes are going to walk me, exercise, bounce, etc. me to my new body. Shouldn't I put down a little coinage? Shouldn't I make sure the shoes I wear are going to protect my joints and back and knees and you name the hurty body part?! After all I am bouncing around 299 lbs on these puppies, they need to be good!

I went to the New Balance website and got all kinds of good info on these Cadillac shoes. For instance they help prevent plantar faciaitis which if you have ever had it you know it. It is an inflammation of the plantar tendons which are the ones that run from your toe joints to your heel. Let me tell you they hurt, I have to stretch my foot each morning before I get out of bed to prevent it from flaring. So as I am holding back the morning "Gotta go gotta go gotta go right now!" I am stretching my feetsus so I don't hobble in pain for the rest of the day. They also help the back of your heel stay in the back of the shoe so your feet aren't flying around inside the shoe and causing friction. They have special polymer thing ma dings that absorb shock on the heel so your foot will be able to work out longer. In short they are a bad ass shoe and this is an American company I am supporting so I am helping the economy out. Go buy some New Balance folks.

I weighed in again this morning and to my delight I am still holding firm to 299. Hooray huzzah and wubba wubba! It is nice to see that number be something other than a three at the beginning.

For some other unknown reason I rearranged my cabinets last night. I was putting up groceries and beginning to sound like Yosemite Sam in my frustration. At that point I said screw it and began pulling crap out of the cupboards and rearranging. I had to keep the fuzband from eating Sugar Babies given to us with a Christmas gift TWO YEARS AGO. He is justifying it by looking at the box and saying "Well there is no expiration date" I can just see it now, I am at his wake and they ask me how it happened. "I tried to tell him not to-(sniff) eat the Sugar Babies...(wail)."

I could not believe the number of boxes I had with ONE item in them. For example...huge ass box=one packet of oatmeal, huge ass box=one packet of apple cider. I grabbed the stack of baskets from one of my recent organizational binges and began getting all Martha Stewart. The next thing I know I have butt loads of room in my cabinets. Before you start thinking that I should be writing for Southern Living and all, let me inform you that my kitchen is so small you have to walk outside to change your mind. I HAVE to be organized or I can't fit all my food and cookware and plates and blah de kitchen appliance blah in there.

By the time my head hit the pillow there were parts of me hurting that I did not know were parts of my anatomy. I had to get SuperFuzband to bring me tylenol pm and water because at that point I was spent, done, finale, fin. Sort of like this post.

Prancity Prance

2009-06-29T09:22:00.015-04:00

Hello Ladies and Germs! I am happy to report to you today that I am back to 299! Yes, I am nearly back to my lowest in a decade and am happy to announce that I feel spectacular. I have been doing work outside like washing cars, attempting to weed eat etc. Even though the weather has resembled the surface of the sun I have managed to get out and leave about a pound of sweat behind everyday.
I have cleaned my entire house and I have made it a point to try to do something physical each day. I have also been trying to keep the insane eating at bay while exercising. This has proven difficult as when I exercises my appetite seems to increase as well. I cannot wait to get back to 298 and I look forward to a new decade low of 297.

I have ordered a new swimsuit and cover up in anticipation of joining the YMCA and taking water aerobics. I was very pleased with my superior shopping skills, I got a 96.00 swimsuit and a 48.00 cover up for 55.00 which includes shipping and tax. I was whipping out coupons and discount cards and winking at my computer. Voila super nice swimsuit even better price. I am trying out something new, a "shortini" swimsuit which is two pieces one is a pair of shorts with sewn in panties and the other is a tank top type deal with a built in bra. I am very excited to get them and try them on. Until then I will wear an old stand by swimsuit to class. Now I have to locate a swimming cap so I don't turn my hair green.
I am excited about my weight loss again and the frustration seems to be behind me now. I understand why I got frustrated and I can now put that into perspective and leave it behind. I think one of the best things I am learning through my weight loss endeavors is I am learning more about myself and how my mind works. I am paying more attention to my eating habits and my mood. When I feel rushed, tired, or unprepared I try to use that as an excuse to over eat. I think I need to think around myself and start carrying emergency snacks with me to tide me until I can make it to healthy food. I think I also need some easy quick fix meals at home so I don't use the excuse that "There is nothing pulled out of the freezer", or the classic "I'm too tired to cook". I have also had to learn to listen more carefully to my body. When I am tired I rest, when I am grouchy I usually need food or rest, when I am energetic I get up and move. The more I try to respond to my body's urges the better I feel and the more I feel motivated. I know that this is a cycle and the frustration will return with plateaus and possible up swings in weight will as well. I know that I need to take these in stride and not use them as a reason to throw my hands up and dive into the nearest cheesecake or McDonalds. I am also recognizing that depriving myself of certain kinds of foods can lead me down a unhealthy path. I need to try to find some healthy alternatives to my all time favorite cheat foods. There are certain foods that if I eat them then I go off the deep end and start binging. Everyone has their own personal bevy of things they eat that lead down a ugly path of empty wrappers and guilt. For me it is hot fudge nut sundaes, french fries, hamburgers, tater tots, cake with icing (of just about any kind), potato chips (the uber yummy kind like original ruffles), pimento sandwiches, egg salad sandwiches, and there are a few more but I don't want to sit here and obsess any longer. Speaking of food and obsessing and stuff and things I gotta get to the grocery store. Ta ta for now!

Weigh In

2009-06-24T20:51:00.002-04:00

Well I peeked between my fingers this morning to see 306. I am up eight pounds, hooray.
It is totally my fault between the lets eat here screw the consequences, back injuries, ankle injuries, pity eating, stress eating blah de blah eat blah.
The hard cold truth is I am back up over 300 and then some. I had been bouncing between 298 and 300 for some time and then booyow right up into 306.
I have made the official decision that I am going to go to the YMCA next week and join up. I am going to start water aerobics and some light weight lifting for my arms. I think maybe some tread mill or elliptical on the non water aerobics days. It will get me out of the house and and doing something good for myself. The Y is only a few miles away and about a 7 minute drive so I will easily be able to dash there and back without much effort.
I am kind of excited about it too. I have a swimsuit which is a little too tight which will be perfect to wear so nothing pops out and I don't ruin the nice ones I got for Disney. Plus those are the skirt kind and it looks like it has floated up on me and my bikini bottoms are showing.
So yeah, gained weight and hating it, but have a plan to fix it. I have had so much crap going on that it will be nice to not have anything going on so I can concentrate more on my health and weight loss efforts.
Tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to turn this boat around and get this weight off.
Gotta keep swimming.

Vrrrroooom

2009-06-24T02:24:00.004-04:00

Hi there, it is 2:24 AM. No, I do not have insomnia. No, fuzband is not sucking in the curtains and sawing down trees. Nope it is all because of my laptop.
I took my mother in law to the Dr. on Monday. She lives about two hours away and her doctor is two hours from her house. So I spent six hours in the car on Monday...yippee. After spending six hours in the car I mowed her lawn (she has big time back issues). After a few adult beverages I hit the hay-hard. I got up late today and drove back home (2 hours on Tuesday for those counting). I went to Wal Mart grabbed groceries and high tailed it for home. Cooked dinner and then ahh relaxation on the couch with my laptop around nine-ish. SuperWeezie went to go get my laptop for me and said the words of doom "I don't see the power cord for your laptop in your bag.". At that point my stomach and heart shared the same space. A sickening feeling washed over me. My power cord was two hours away. Since I love my laptop and I am on it for at least two or more hours a day not having it was not an option.
SuperWeezie was a trooper and agreed to make the four hour round trip with me. So here I sit at 2:30 AM writing this post to you. I have clocked 19 hours of driving/riding in a vehicle in the last four days and I am pooped! My back is not happy with me at all and I am tired. So since all this tiredness you would think I would be asleep by now. Oh noooooo I am wide awake and typing waiting for back pain meds to kick in. Thank God for back pain meds.
On to other subjects. My pants are fitting, the capri pants that were once saggy baggy about two weeks ago fit perfectly right now. That is not good, not good at all. I have not been able to or wanted to get on a scale the last few days to see just how bad the damage is. I have actually been trying pretty hard to eat well over the last week and have done alright about 87% of the time. So the fitting into the capri pants has made me decide that joining the YMCA is a must. I have to get into the water aerobics class with the quickness! I cannot let myself backslide right back to where I was. I have worked way too hard to get where I am at only to end up back at the beginning.
On a happier note I witnessed my best friend's wedding on Saturday. The wedding was absolutely simple and beautiful. It was great to watch the culmination of a relationship into a happy moment that you can share with close friends and family. I have known her since I was five so it is safe to say that we are acquainted with one another. I was overjoyed to be able to share the occasion with her. Watching her get married reminded me of how happy I was to find and marry my husband. It brought back all the joy and happiness that we felt at that time. It was truly one of the high points of my life.
I think the meds are kicking in I am beginning to sound like a Hallmark card.
Keep your feet on the ground and your head out of the fridge-Puck Out.

Random Picture Blog for Fun

2009-06-19T18:56:00.003-04:00

My Mom and My sister Louise, this was BP (Before SuperPucky)

Christmas of 1966

This was my family the mid 60's

My Mom, SuperPop, SuperWeezie, Dottie, and my brother Rob

This was taken in Hawaii around Christmas.

I wouldn't be around for about 9 years.

This is a picture from 2006 I am all dressed up to See Glenn Beck in person

Was a great show, very funny, too bad he is all about politics now.

This Picture is from Halloween 2001
I don't know why I look like I am in pain, but funny picture never the less.

This is a picture that makes me laugh but I hope that won't get me in too much trouble.

This is from a souvenier shop at Myrtle Beach on my honeymoon in 2007.

This is me putting the moves on Homer on my Honeymoon in April of 2007

Another photo of me from October of 2001 this was shortly after I had given myself bangs. Thank God they had grown out a little.

See Wall, Apply Forehead at High Speed, Repeat as Necessary

2009-06-18T22:46:00.006-04:00

Ok I have fallen off the wagon, into the gutter and now I am rolling around in the gutter and splashing in puddles.
SuperPucky has been bad, naughty, terrible and made some "ineffective choices" as my therapist would tell me. In other words I am eating like an idiot.
Ever since my trip to Charleston it has just been a free for all of eating like I have a tapeworm and it is all going to magically go away. Eating as if I won't start gaining weight. (Which I have about four pounds or five depending on how my scale feels that morning)
TOM and his unpredictability has me believing that some of the weight gain I have experienced is just water, but personally I think some of it is good old fashioned fat.
Birthdays can be hard for me and I am ignoring that quite well. Yes I am proud that I am much smaller than I was last birthday and I am doing very well. Yes I am proud of the accomplishments that I have made, so why am I undoing them? Why am I backsliding and why can't I stop? I don't get it, I know what is going to happen if I keep this crap up. I know that pizza is not a smart food choice. I know that frappacccpappachinoos from Starbucks are not low in fat. I know that coffee cake is not the way to a smaller me. I know all this, yet I still eat. Am I trying to sooth a hurt that I am ignoring? Am I trying to fill a hole inside myself that I am pretending isn't there? What in the ham sandwich is wrong with my brain?! Grrrrr.
Am I scared that I may succeed? Am I scared that I won't make my goals by January? Am I secretly making the failure true so I don't have to worry about it? Am I thinking to hard?
Ok I have been here before and I have said curse words, threw up my hands and "Ah to hell with it all", gained the weight back and was terribly miserable. Then I begin the cycle again by hitting rock bottom and starting all over. Usually the starting all over is from an even higher weight because I just have to top myself.
So we are going to do things differently this time. I will catch myself before I fall too far. I will stop the "ineffective" eating aka eating like a refugee at the rice drop. I will claim victory over this stupid problem and move forward. :::"Onward Christian Soldiers" playing gradually louder in background:::::: I will not repeat the mistakes of the past because I AM smarter than that. I HAVE learned from my mistakes. I WILL lose more weight and I WILL be SUCCESSFUL! As God as my witness I will not go one more month weighing over 300 pounds! YOU HEAR ME INTERNET! :::shakes fists of fury:::

Leaving Town to Go Home

2009-06-15T14:16:00.023-04:00

Photo from: www.charlestonsouthernhomes.com

Charleston Skyline, Cooper River Bridge

Charleston was a wonderful change of pace this weekend. Even though it is only 100 miles away from home it feels like home and it feels like refuge. Having gone there as a child so many times to visit my brother at MUSC I got to know the city pretty well. As soon as I smell the salty air I know I am there, I am home.

Our room at the Charleston Marriott

View from the hotel, the marina View from the room, pool and patio area

The hotel I booked on hotwire was absolutely gorgeous. It was every bit a 4 star hotel. The room was luxurious and comfortable. The lobby and the pool area was opulent and inviting. The hotel was only five minutes from downtown Charleston and fifteen minutes from the beach. I still marvel at the fact I only paid 100.00 for it. They were running a special this week on their website for 150.00 a night! I wonder what the regular rate is.

Folly Beach, and pier in the background

Fuzband and my scarf trying to attack me
We spent most of Saturday at Folly Beach, it was perfect, warm and sunny and just enough breeze to keep it comfortable. I had packed a picnic lunch of tuna fish, baked lays, deviled eggs, water, and fresh cut fruit.

The hotel lobby during the thunderstorm

Photo from http://www.tommycondons.com/

We went back to the room and prepared to go to dinner. In typical South Carolina fashion a thunderstorm rolled up and wrecked havoc for about an hour. We sat in the lobby watching the rain blow the palmetto trees around and pouring rain. After it let up we drove into the historic district and ate dinner at Tommy Condons Seafood and Irish Pub. It was excellent. We shared spinach and artichoke dip, I had steak, shrimp, broccoli, and potato, David had Mahi Mahi broccoli and potato. For desert we shipped a snicker pie slice covered with hot fudge. Dinner was delightful we sat on the patio as horse drawn carriages and tourists passed by.

View from the bar while listening to Mr. Steve FM

Sun setting over the Ashley River

After dinner we went to the slave market and picked up a few souvenirs and window shopped. After shopping we headed back to the hotel to have a drink and retire for the evening. On the third floor there is a rooftop bar with views of the Ashley River. We sat and had drinks watching the sun go down over the tree tops and the water. It was very romantic until Mr. Lite Rock cranked up the PA on his acoustic guitar. Their idea of live entertainment was this fella and his guitar singing. He wasn't bad if you love to listen to light rock as loud as your stereo will play it. We managed to ignore it until he began to massacre a song by The Cure and then when he started to play Jammin' by Bob Marley I had had enough. I threw back the rest of my margarita and we were out of there. I felt bad for anyone in a room within 200 feet of that bar because that was the loudest acoustic guitar I had ever heard in my life.

The next day I was craving pancakes so we set out in search of Nannerpus (IHOP). We were going to go to the IMAX theater but since they did not advertise show times in the local paper and at 11:00 it was already 95 degrees with no wind we opted for a mall excursion. David and I tromped around the mall and headed back toward home.

When we got back in our own town we went to the movies and had burgers. Feeling like I had gotten all the vacation food eating out of my system we finally went back home.Even though I did eat rich high calorie food on Sunday I couldn't finish half of my food, I barely ate half of the pie. On Sunday I couldn't finish half of my omelet and half of my pancakes. when we ate burgers I couldn't eat all my fries. I was pretty impressed with myself. I feel refreshed and ready to take on my weight loss challenge. I got a lot of exercises in and I am proud that things weren't as bad as they could have been. Speaking of things and stuff I think my washer is calling my name.

I guess sometimes home is truly where the heart is not the address on your mortgage payment.

Just Keep Swimming

2009-06-12T01:53:00.006-04:00

I watched Finding Nemo the other night and apparently it stuck with me. I will explain more in a little bit.
I was looking at my flabby arms thinking UGH, where have I lost weight at? Where did the 52 pounds come from? Obviously since I look like a bat when I am bare armed and hold my arms up in the goal post position it wasn't from there. I still look like I am melting when I look at myself from the side, so where did it come from!
After the mental bashing I stop and say to myself, "Stop beating yourself up, stop being so hard on yourself! Negative self talk gets you no where but at the bottom of a Ben and Jerry's container."
When I laid my head down to sleep tonight I started thinking "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." It is from the part of Finding Nemo where a school of fish are about to be swept up by a swimming net. They all have to swim toward the floor of the ocean to snap the line on the net. If they panic they die, if they keep swimming, trusting it will work they will live. I have to keep swimming even though it seems pointless. I have to keep swimming or I will die. I was wide awake at that point and had to get some of this out of my head. Hence I am now blogging at 2:03 AM.
Sometimes realizing that you have around 170 pounds to lose and you have struggled your ass off for nine months to only get to 52 pounds you start to get discouraged. That means I am only losing on average around six pounds and even if I continued on my current track of six pounds a month it will take another year and eight months to lose it all. On top of that I am looking at getting pregnant in the middle of the year and eight months and ugh. You can see where frustration and discouragement can step in.
Ok time for a deep breath here. My goal right now is to drop forty eight more pounds by January to make it to 250. That means I will only have an additional seventy pounds to lose. That does not seem nearly as daunting. I have 29 weeks to lose 48 pounds that is 1.65 pounds a week.
Just keep swimming...

Prison Break and Mr. Wizard

2009-06-10T19:56:00.003-04:00

Happy to report body is catching up with the mind...finally. I was actually able to accomplish most of the goals I had set out for myself today. Unfortunately mother nature was to blame for the wash out of my Home Depot project. I was going to be all Mr. Wizard and build this box thingy to cover up my attic door. According to Bob Villa, the EPA and every green wearing tree hugger it will cut down on your electric bill. So I am going to probably curse and make a mess tomorrow while hopefully building this box thingy.
My other project is purchasing two by fours for my back yard. The wood is for dig outs aka Flap and Mack reinact Prison Break in my back yard every time they see a pretty red headed retriever wagging her tail down the street.
Of course after the A/C fella finishes his paperwork and what not the sky decides to just pour buckets and lightning and biblical flood like storming. I am not complaining because said A/C fella somehow managed to get his boss to let him install free intake registers in SuperWeezie's and the master bedroom. This will allow us to sleep with the doors closed and it will not make the A/C run constantly and it won't be hotter in our rooms. Hooray!
So needless to say the box materials and the two by fours are still at Home Depot and Mack and Flap have one more night to plan the great escape.

Rabba Flabba Frickis Frackis Flarn and Filth!

2009-06-09T16:21:00.006-04:00

Don't you hate it when your brain is screaming goooo and your body answers NOOOO? I in my infinite wisdom decided that I was going to do a little shopping today. SuperWeezie informed me that we are out of creamer and that would be a travesty if that happened! So I decided to fire up the ol' Rav 4 and head for Ulta and Wally World. Ok it is about half way through Wal Mart when I start realizing that I am out of steam. I mean I have barely made it through my trip and I am feeling wiped out completely. After conquering 52 pounds and seven miles a day at Disney I can certainly handle a short trip for hair products and groceries....right? Wrong!
I am on the verge of dropping just a few more pounds and what stands in my way, TOM, and UTI. Damn you you three letter acronyms for things that make women miserable! (shaking fist)
I am in the zone, I am on cruise control, I am the calorie counting queen and I cannot drop weight because I cannot move my behind! Can you tell that I am frustrated? I spent years and I do mean years gaining weight and being extremely lazy. Now that I am motivated and wanting to move around and exercise and get to where I need to be I can't!
Perhaps this is the dear sweet Lord trying to help me learn patience. I am still getting accustomed to doing things at a smaller size. Things like: being able to sit up from a laying position without help from my arms, getting up from the floor without taking 20 minutes, squatting, getting on hands and knees, and getting up and down from a chair with ease are just a few of the exciting things I can do now. My brain has not quite wrapped itself around the idea of being four sizes smaller yet. Maybe he put this road block in my way to make me stop and smell the roses and be proud of myself. After all isn't it about the journey not the destination?

More Pictures of Disney (some touched up) For your enjoyment

2009-06-08T11:46:00.006-04:00

Look Mickey is hovering over our heads to give us Mouse Blessings

Arrrgh! A goofy pirate she be!

This picture reminds me of the punch line to why Mickey left Minnie.

(Insert giggle here)

I just told Pooh the joke from the picture before this one.

So happy together.........I can't see me lovin no body but him for all my liiiiiiiiiiiiiiife!

(insert cheesey horn background melody)

Thank God you can wear a hat looking this goofy at Disney and no one cares.

Technicolor Rainbows, Puppies and Fuzzy Ducks

2009-06-08T11:16:00.003-04:00

Ok this post has absolutely nothing to do with any of the items in the title. It was meant as some evil plot to make you read my entry here. Secretly it is about my icky night and morning.

Last night even though it was a comfy 73/74 degrees in my house I was cold. That should have been the first indicator something was wrong. I felt like I had been kicked by a horse in the lower back and lower front. Again, this should also have been another indicator. So I took some aleve like a good girl, a muscle relaxer for good measure and passed out. Since TOM decided to show up almost a month late I have double duty right now. I figured I was just having my behind handed to me by mother nature.

Then this morning I get a message from the OB office. My mind starts racing a bajillion miles an hour. "Mrs. Puck we are sorry to inform you we were wrong, your ovaries have moved to Baja and are sipping margaritas along with any chance of you having a baby." or "Mrs. Puck you have contracted a rare form of Nobaybitol and you are unable to have children." These were all the wonderful thoughts running through my head as I was put on hold for what seemed to be an hour. Turns out I have a UTI, hooray! I never thought that I would be relieved to find out I have a bladder infection. Yes all my symptoms from yesterday: roaring case of the lazies, chills, back pain, abdominal pain can all be chalked up to a fargin' UTI. Did I mention TOM was here too? Fun fun fun fun fuuuuuun.

Oh yeah, and Mack my "wonderful" Jack Russell decided to have diarrhea at 3:30 this morning in my sisters room on the carpet. Hooray! So that was the very first thing anyone said to me this morning when I woke up. No, wait, I take that back. My fuzband is on call this week for his IT job and was woke up several times this morning for problems. So when I first woke up it was him talking about how he had only slept for an hour.

Just got a call from fuzband he is getting my meds for me from the pharmacy. He left work as soon as he got there because his tummy was doing flips this morning and to top it all off when he got to the security desk the would not let him come in because he didn't have his badge. Even though he walks by this desk every day, he has a tag in his car letting him park in the parking lot, he is obviously dressed for work, his peers can vouch for him. Oh noooo....he couldn't show them his ID....no, the only person who could vouch for him was in a meeting. At that point I think he figured out that he wasn't supposed to be at work today according to security and his flip flopping tummy. Now the fuzband is in a spectacular mood and feels like flaming turds as well.

What in the flappin' crap is going on in the universe? Has some cosmic curse descended upon the Puck household? A plague carrying diarrhea, vomiting, cramps, UTI, back pain, fever...aaaah we have Jelly Fish Flu!

I think I will snuggle up next to my dachshund and put a diaper on him. I see bed in my future as well.

Hooty Hoo Hooty Hoo!

2009-06-06T01:11:00.005-04:00

It is 1:11 AM on a Friday night/Saturday morning, am I at a night club, am I at a movie, am I sleeping, am I snuggly with the fuzband.....nooooooo! I am sitting here at my laptop while he is sitting next to me at his laptop. While he is working...bleh! He is on call for a company on the West Coast and as we reside here in the south we are three hours behind them. Sooo while they think it is only a little after ten we are yawning our behinds off.
I am happy to report that this morning I am 298. Yes ladies and germs we are now 52 pounds down! I now only have forty eight more until my OB is happy and I am happier!
Today I decided to make my own personal sabbath and become one with my couch as I turned into the Ipod DJ from Hades. I have been pushing myself non stop for the past two and a half weeks and decided I too needed a day of rest. Now I am regretting it because I am all achey and I have a little pent up energy.
I can tell that I am going to need to find some extra curricular activities sans house this weekend due to the fact it is now my husbands second worksite. I don't like to disturb him while he is making the free world turn via computer.
Since I am done with the marathon weight lifting championship of Elgin, SC aka moving my sister in I think I need to return to exercising normally. I need to check the weather and see if it will permit me to visit a park for a nice walk or something.

Since this post is somewhat boring..... I will present to you Doggy Pictures:

This is Flap Jack aka Flapper, Flap-a-roni- enjoying his first snow back in February.

He will be 1 (in human years) in July.

This is Mack aka Mack-a-roni, Mack-a-roni and cheese, shnoo shnoo, Flapamackaroni (when I am confused and tired) and what was one of his favorite toys.

It now has no head one leg, one arm, no tail and is no where near as clean (thanks to Flap)

Mack is a dashing four or five years old, I am not sure as he was adopted from Pets Inc.

This is Rusty who was my dog and I gave him to my Dad so I can have visits with him when ever I want and even a sleepover!

Rusty is about four or five years old, he was given to me by a dog groomer.

She had rescued him after his owners gave him up because he had mange.

I cannot imagine why he is the sweetest little roll of baloney on four legs!

My lil' NooNoo (don't ask, yes I need to hurry up and have a baby)

So until next time, keep your feet on the ground and your head out of the fridge.

SuperPuck.....out!

Relief and SUCCESS

2009-06-02T01:38:00.002-04:00

Normally OB appointments don't start off well or end well. Much to my surprise this one was actually pretty good. The first part that I normally dread, I was actually looking forward to. Ladies and germs I present to you 299, two hundred nintey nine, 2-9-9.....twoooo ninety niiiiiiine. Hooray huzzah......scream it from the mountain top.

The next coolest part was my Dr. did not give me the you are too fat speech blah blah fat blabbity fat blah. He actually gave me an atta girl for the fifty pounds lost. He also told me to keep going on my diet and did everything short of bust out the pom poms and do a split.

Apparently my baby garage is in excellent condition and ready for production. He said he would be super happy if I could be at 200 when I get pregnant but he said that he will be ok with 250. So for the next 6 months I am going to exercise like I have never exercised before, I am going to eat super healthy and watch those portions. I am going to be a lean mean diet machine! I am going to be smaller by Christmas by cracky!

Yes I want to buy a tacky Christmas sweater in a size 18 or maybe a 16!

Forty nine pounds until my OB is happy and I can throw the switch on the baby factory!

::pictures OB in a cheerleading outfit and me in a size 18:::

Yeah, life is good!

Busy B (Buzzzzzzz)

2009-05-31T19:53:00.003-04:00

I have been so busy lately that I forgot tomorrow is my big Dr. appointment. I am going to make sure that the baby factory is in order before the fuzband and I start up the production line. Now that I have remembered it is tomorrow I have begun to worry. I am nervous about it. Very nervous, it isn't just the, will my butt actually fall off the table when I am asked to inevitably scoot to the end of the table, but for real nervous. Have I waited too long to have a baby, will they find that my ovaries have packed up and left for parts unknown? I hate the unknown variable, the when and who and why and things I am out of control of.
For instance the whole baby thing. I have no control what so ever of when and where I get pregnant and that bothers me. I would love to say you know I think I would like to get pregnant in late spring so I won't be sweating to death by the end of the summer. Oh no I am at the fate of little ity bitty teensy weensy little tadpole looking guys and an egg!
So at 11:00 o' clock ish tomorrow when I am being told to "relax...just let your leg fall to the side" (YEAH RIGHT!) think of me and send up a little prayer for courage and grace.

You take a big box in, you take a big box out, then you do the Hokey Pucky

2009-05-29T08:53:00.004-04:00

Attention all three SuperPucky readers...
SuperWeezie has moved in with Pucky and Fuzband. Yes after many boxes, curse words, sore back/legs/knees/ankles/feet, carry out, SuperWeezie has joined the Puck household.
So far we have re-written "Dancing Queen" into "Coupon Queen":

"You can shop, you can clip, having the time of your liiiiiife.

Ooooohh See that girl watch her save she is the coupon queeeeeeen....".

Yes this is my own personal theme song as I sit here after printing two billion coupons out in prep of shopping. We have also made an attempt at nostrilling tea while laughing. (In case you are wondering that means shooting liquids out of nose while laughing hard, think circa 3rd grade when your best pal told you a joke and milk appeared from your nose). There has been much giggling and moving and frivolous stupidity...hopefully Fuzband can put up with us.

In more not fun news I am retaining water like a sponge....friggin T.O.M. where are you!? So instead of reporting that I have reached 299 I am telling you that my ankles are swollen, diurex does not work, my ring is tight, and I weigh 307 right now.
Rabba-frabba-frigga-fragga-flarnandfilth @#*^#*()*)(&!(&)&!!!I*&*(%^&*(*&^%^&*&^%#### (insert other expletives)!!!! I have been working my behind off and my behind is refusing to shrink.....ARGH!
Can you tell that I am frustrated? I know this too shall pass. To exacerbate the problem I have not exactly been eating all that great. Yes I know it is all staring back at me as plain as the letters I type. That I am only making things worse by eating crappy. I thought I would whine and cry to the internet hoping to expel my frustration via blog form. Hoping that publishing it to the internet that the frustration will leave me along with 8 pounds of water weight and fat.

Gratuitous Disney Photo Posts For Your Entertainment

2009-05-18T11:39:00.015-04:00

(To enlarge double click picture)

SuperWeezie (sister), Fuzzband, and SuperPucky

Disney's Animal Kingdom

The Tree of Life in the background

We just left Mickey's Philharmagic at the Magic Kingdom

Notice who has Duck butt on her head and Duck face on his head.

Tom Sawyer's Island in the Background at Magic Kingdom

Move It Shake It Celebrate It Parade at Magic Kingdom

Love That Man of Mine!

We are on the Harambe Wilderness Preserve Safari at Animal Kingdom

Super Pucky At Animal Kingdom

The View is great From Here!

Steamboat at Magic Kingdom

Romanticle Horse Drawn Carriage Ride on our anniversary at

Disney's Port Orleans Riverside Resort
(where we stayed-loved it!)
SuperWeezie, SuperPucky, SuperFuzband

The Seas Exhibit at Epcot Center

SuperPucky(left) and SuperWeezie

Disney's Hollywood Studio's

Disney Will Bring out the Lover in you

The Happiest Place on Earth

Magic Kingdom
Happiest Pucky on Earth

Don't worry more pictures will come later..I promise :P

Victory Is Within Reach!

2009-05-18T11:13:00.004-04:00

Holy Calories Batman! The scale said blinkity blink-301.4-301.4-301.4. I can see 299 he is standing just outside of the spot light and giving me the raspberry and going "neener neener, Ha -Ha!" When I catch 299 he is going to get the noogies of a life time-and a spa pedicure.

Ever have one of those cleaning and rearranging binges that you can not stop! I feel like I have been hosting one of my own personal episodes of Clean Sweep. I regret to inform you that I don't have a budget for redecorating and my own personal team of decorators and carpenters. It is just me and the the hubby and the puppies. Between you and me, the puppies are not pulling their weight. OK, they do offer moral support in the form of wagging tails and a head licking while you are in some impossible twister position while rewiring your entertainment center. I have been doing some much needed rearranging that has made my life a hell of a lot easier. I am contemplating a trip to Home Depot to further my efforts but restricted budget has been cramping my redecorating efforts. I have gotten our rack stand in the living room and out of my bedroom (yes bedroom). It will accommodate our ever expnding collection of electronic gizmos. It looks super nifty like we are some sort of electronic geeks or something..uh..no not us!

I need to think about my new short term goal after 299, 280-is that too little, 275, 250-too much? I think maybe I am thinking too hard, I just need to hold on to the pull bar while the coaster car goes down the hill and scream "WHEEEEEEeeeeeEEEEE!".

Boing Boing Boing Boing

2009-05-16T12:27:00.004-04:00

I feel like one of those balls you could buy from the red machines at the exit of Kmart. Remember when bliss could be purchased for a mere quarter? Yes the bouncy balls that if you dropped them on the floor at Kmart your poor parents would spend the next five minutes chasing down like an epileptic monkey for fear you would begin wailing like a police siren in front of God and all the check outs.
I am soooooo close to 299 I can smell it, or taste it or...what ever! Anyways I am all giddy because I ordered some smaller new clothing from the Avenue, thanks to retailmenot.com I got 25% off of the already on sale prices and got 300.00 worth of clothing for around 155.00, HA! :::triumphantly holding confirmation sheet over head and prancing like pretty pretty pony:::
I am going to take a walk at our beautiful Riverfront park with the fuzzband today. Who would think that I would actually choose a place to exercise as a destination on a Saturday. Will wonders never cease?
Oh word to the wise shoppers out there, I have re-discovered Cheerios, the Banana Nut and Apple Spice Cheerio's rrrrOCK! Let's see, they are om nom nom nomable, low in sugar, high in fiber/grains, made with real oats (lowers the cholesterol), low calorie, and could be eaten right out of the box as a snack. Add banana to bowl of Cheerio's and small glass of oj and you have completed a balanced breakfast (just like the cheesy commercial says).
Also new dessert that won't make you feel or look like a blimp afterward. Wal-Mart brand fat free pineapple sherbet (with tid bits of pineapple-squeee!), a splash of pineapple juice in a glass with spoon and straw. I totally ripped this off of the Dole Whip at Disney World, and it tastes just like it! Oh don't forget obligatory fat free whipped cream on top to make you feel all decadent and what not. My husband and I hoovered them down with brain freeze glee. I can't wait to try this with the Orange Sherbet and Peach Sherbet with peach nectar....(drool).
Ok time to get dressed and go bounce around the park and try to drop those last few stubborn pounds so I can run down the street screaming 299, 299, 299, oh yeah and get my spa pedicure.

I am shrinking! (bad Wicked Witch Impression)

2009-05-14T17:35:00.007-04:00

Hello ladies and germs! I am now O-fficially 304. Yes you heard it 304 fooooooOOOOooour.
Yes I am excited to report that I am only five count em' five measly little pounds from 299!
I know that each pound lost is great and blah blah blah, but I want the first number to be a TWO!

This will be the first time my weight has started with a two in over FIVE years! I was so excited about my weight loss yesterday that it called for a new pair of shoes. Yes folks, Puck needed a reward. I got the cutest black sandally looking espadrilles I believe they are called. They are super cute and comfy and the best part only 20 bucks! Yes shopping victory of the day!

After finding uber cute shoes I needed to celebrate so I went out to play trivia at a local bar and wing place. Had a great time and discovered very good lite beer. Miller Genuine Draft 64, very nomable and low carb, cal, and still gives you that warm and swimmy feeling. I need to figure out what the celebration will be for 299? I think a spa pedicure will be in order. I haven't had one in some time and it will go well with the new sandals!

I also purchased a girdle. Yes you heard it right, a girdle, the kind Grandma used to wear. I was looking at myself in the mirror thinking you know if I could just suck my gut and tummy in all day I would look even smaller! I used to work for Catherines and Added Dimensions and they sold girdles, let me tell you something, they work. They keep everything from moving and shaking and put it all where it is supposed to be and keeps it there. So I broke down and purchased a long line pantie and tummy trimmer. It starts out below the bra and ends about mid thigh. This bad boy took me from a comfy 24 to a perfect fit 22 pair of skinny jeans. I put them on and could actually slide my entire hand flat against my tummy into the pants and back out easily. Anyone who has a big tummy/gut will know that is amazing. I cannot believe that I am wearing size 22 jeans when just last October I was bursting out of a size 32. Now a word to the wise, to get those kind of results it does take sacrifice, you won't be running the Boston Marathon in this girdle or tap dancing your way across a stage. It is tight, and constrictive but achieves desired results. It does make you stand up straight and think twice before ordering any fattening foods. I think I am going to get a second one next month. I think looking and feeling good has been a really good motivator for me to keep going.

Next month I will be celebrating my 34th birthday, I have decided to do it in style. I followed William Shatner's advice and hopped on Priceline negotiator! (singing like goofy commercial and doing karate move simultaneously) I got a room at the Marriott Charleston on the Ashley River which is four stars by the way for 99.00 dollars! Me and the fuzband are going to have a romanticle weekend in Charleston. I have booked us dinner at the California Dreaming restaurant which offers stunning views of the Ashley River as well and it is only a mile from the hotel. We are only a few miles from Folly Beach State Park which is a whopping 7.00 for parking and all the fun and sun I can tolerate. I am going to check on the horse drawn ghost tours to see how much they are. I cannot wait! Fun and romance all on the cheap! I figured I was done waiting for romantic things from my husband I will create it myself!

Ok everyone prayers and thin thoughts for me as I soldier forward toward 299.

Good Morning?

2009-05-11T09:52:00.003-04:00

The following occurred between 6:00 AM and 9:00 AM (best Keifer Sutherland impression).
6:14 Snuffling wiener dog wake up call
6:15 AM let both dogs out.
6:16 AM return to bed and pass out.
6:16 AM to 8:59 AM ZZZZzzzzzZZZzzzzZZZZZ
9:00 AM rolling thunder
9:00 and 1/2 minute later AM realize dogs still outside
9:01 AM ask fuzband to get dogs
9:01 AM hear fuzband cuss from back door
9:02 AM begin futilely calling dogs from front and back door
9:03 AM get dachshund back in house and give cookie for coming when called
9:04 AM hear fuzband continue to curse and mumble about idiot dogs asking why dachshund gets cookie, explained he showed up when called
9:05 AM call stupid Jack Russell who dug hole in fence he returns to wrong side of fence (no hole) and looks at me with question mark ears and stupid guilty expression
9:05 and a half AM go to front door and get previously mentioned idiot Jack Russell in home
9:06 AM lightning strikes, bad storm surrounding house
9:08 AM weigh self, 305lbs Woo hoo
9:09 AM tell fuzzband about weight loss victory, his reply, "cool"
9:09 AM and 1/2 minute later fuzband begins complaining about dogs, work and life in general
9:10 AM Amanda looks at frying pan and back of fuzzband's head :P
9:15 AM Amanda looks at frying pan shrugs and goes back for frosted mini wheat induced coma
9:20 AM Amanda convinces fuzband that showering during lightning storm not a good idea as evidenced in previously viewed mythbuster episode where confirmation of getting zapped in shower was confirmed
9:30 AM check weather.com storm is passing
9:31 AM realize Fuzzband is already in the shower
9:42 AM begin checking blogger.com and post

Ramblings from 2:24 AM from an Insomniac

2009-05-11T02:23:00.005-04:00

Ah, me, you, laptop, and Tylenol PM. The life of an insomniac with an achy leg who has too many thoughts floating around in her head.
As I laid in bed next to my Fuzband (who was doing his level best to imitate an accordion being run over by a steam roller remixed into a 3 hour long disco song) tossing and turning I began to play snippets of my life in my brain. I have one of those brains that likes to go on 100 mph ADD tantrums when I should be sleeping.
My brain produces a mental TV show where it just shows flash backs of the previous seasons. I was zooming around my life to lame loser boyfriends, to girls you knew would be knocked up before graduation, to Amanda's most embarrassing moments, to what it was like to be smaller than I am now. After watching an hour and a half of flash backs I rolled out of bed and went in search of Tylenol PM.
One of the things I was thinking about was a sign I saw at Disney's Animal Kingdom. Appropriately placed in a toilet stall, it read "The Scoop on Poop: elephants can poop up to 300 lbs per day". I thought to myself while reading this sign, I weigh as much as elephant can poo in a day! Great.. now I am equal to a steaming pile of pachyderm excrement!!
Which reminds me of when I was smaller and I heard on TV that a heavyweight boxer weighs around 200 lbs. At the time I was 210 lbs and was horrified that I was fatter than Mike Tyson was in his glory days. I would give anything to weigh 200 right now. A whole 150 lbs less than when I started this journey. That would mean I lost a whole person off of me.
I am happy to report that I am back to my pre-vacation weight of 307 as of Saturday AM. I am happy that I did not screw up my diet too terribly and that I didn't gain. The extra weight I had acquired was water weight as I expected because TOM showed up about three days after the 308 weigh in.
In other somewhat related news I have taken myself off of Phentermine. I am tired of the constipation, worsened insomnia, anxiety, crabbiness and feeling like I was butter scraped over too much toast. Much to my delight I have not wanted to eat everything in sight and I have not returned to my bad habits. After rehabbing my back last week I am back on the Wii Fit and walking with my husband and dogs.
It is funny I was averaging around 6 to 7 miles per day at Disney and toward the end of the trip it was becoming easier. If only I could mentally visit Disney world every day and walk 7 miles I would be as big as a toothpick in no time. I thought to myself last Saturday night that if I could do 7 miles in the sun at Disney than I could handle thirty minutes in the evening at 86 degrees in SC. Sure enough after walking about 4,000 or 5,000 steps around the neighborhood felt like nothing. This was very encouraging that if properly motivated I could handle anything exercise wise that I wanted to. After dinner last night I felt a little guilty after having one big slice and one mini slice of my fathers birthday cake. So to try to alleviate some of the guilt I started up the ol' Wii and proceeded to sweat for the next thirty minutes.
Things are on the upswing which is great, if I could only fall asleep life would be even better.

Readjusting into the "Real" World

2009-05-06T12:08:00.003-04:00

After leaving mouse induced bliss land, coming back to reality is not all it is cracked up to. No one magically makes my bed for me while I am out having fun. All the cooking and post clean up is not done for me. I don't get a call from a Disney character to wake me in the morning and remind me that I am in the most magical place ever. My house is not surrounded by a river and magnolia trees and a horse drawn carriages full of smooching lovers.
Yes I return to a yard needing mowing, a car that needs fixing, a house that needs cleaning, a fridge that needs filling, a fill in the blank that needs to be done by me. Oh yeah and we are now
on super tight budget mode so fun is now officially over.
Why is it I wanted to leave Disney?
Oh yeah to come home!
Ugh.
Ok enough with the whine tasting party.
Disney World was absolutely amazing. I enjoyed every day. It was full of all my favorite characters and enjoyment that I was craving. I started out strong sticking to the diet and then half way through it all went to hell in a hand basket, (or maybe a rocket fuel powered car). I ate every yummy thing at every meal by half way through the trip. I am happy to say that it only made me gain 1.3 pounds. So I didn't completely undo everything done prior to the trip.

I am also happy to report that I was able to hoof it all over Disney with a minimal amount of pain. I think I had the normal amount of "OMG I just walked 15,000 steps today pain." I think even the most toned athletes dogs would be barking after that little jaunt. We averaged around 10,000 to 14,000 steps per day which converts from 5 to 7 miles PER DAY!

I think the last few days have been "recovery" time for myself, sister and fuzband. We have all been really tired, and lethargic. I think the fuzband pushed himself a little too hard driving and was feeling exceptionally ill on Monday. My back has been hollering mercy for a few days now. Apparently walking 5 to 7 miles, bouncing around on rides, cars, trams, buses, monorails, carriages, are not my lower back's idea of fun. I am reporting to you right now from my couch after eating advil and muscle relaxer. Oh and I had to take my fuzband's grandmother to the airport which meant Monday clocked two hours driving and Tuesday nearly four and a half hours driving which included rush hour in Charlotte NC coming from the Airport.

My beloved doggies will be delivered by my sister within the next hour. I didn't realize how much I would miss those little guys until I spotted a service dog at Disney and my heart yearned for the love of my Flapper and Mack-a-roni. I have been without them for almost two weeks.

I think I am a weird person because I am a creature of routine and when my routine is broken I feel very scattered and chaotic. I have a tough time falling back into a routine and sometimes it takes me longer than the average bear to get used to it. I am having a super tough time with sleeping because I have been so exhausted over the last few days. I am also having a hard time getting used to being back home. Between the back pain and the upside down schedule I am feeling a little weird. Hopefully things will feel more normal by tomorrow.

More Mouseworld reports and updates to come later.

Blast Off For Mouse World

2009-04-24T06:19:00.003-04:00

This time tomorrow morning I will be in orbit of Orlando. The Fuzband, sister and I will be truckin' down 95' like a heard of turtles.
Knock on wood the back is behaving itself. I have managed to get 98% packed up. I will be finishing up tonight.
Fuzband wants to leave at midnight to avoid weekend traffic and I think he is spot on. Orlando and Jacksonville traffic (shudder).
I am completely amazed we managed to cram a weeks worth of stuff into six suitcases for two cosmetic and toiletry addicted girls and get David's stuff in there too.
I am also amazed that a panic attack has not set in because I had so much stuff to do. I find myself today being able to tie up all the loose strings.
I had to leave my Flapper (my dachshund) and my Mackaroni (my Jack Russell) with my Poppa, and boy that was hard. Since Flapper is only 8 months old and he is my substitute child I am still feeling separation anxiety here. I haven't left him with anyone. Anyone who isn't a dog lover is looking at this screen like I have an extra boob. I am going to actually upload some photos for your enjoyment today.
There will be Disney Photos posted when I get back. If I can get to a wi fi spot I will try to blog a note or two. The giant mouse wants to charge 10.00 a day for internet access! You get that F-R-E-E that spells free ( at credit report dot com baby...sorry couldn't help that) at Embassy Suites and Days Inn and cheap hotels. A moderate resort at Disney wanted a little over 80.00 so I could have access. (Sigh) I will probably be going through withdrawal by the time I get home. Don't be surprised if I have a few blogs done off line...if I am not too exhausted.
Well folks I will miss you.
See ya real soon! Ha ha! (poor Mickey imitation)

Gripped By Inertia

2009-04-22T12:13:00.003-04:00

Ugh I am feeling a bit panicky here. I am looking at my dirty house and thinking I only have two and a half days to clean this thing before blast off. Not to mention packing and printing list thingies and putting dinner reservation numbers in my phone. Whoa....gotta breathe here. Gotta find my zen. What have I done today, well first I slept in because my insomnia decided to keep me up late and my sleep meds didn't kick in until oh 1:30 AM. So after I rolled out of bed and looked at the pile of dishes in the kitchen and the disarray that is my domicile I sighed and got back in bed. Sometimes I set these really high expectations for myself and then I start to freak when I can't complete them on my insane time frame. So I shove them under the carpet where no one will notice that giant lump accumulating. Then the panic begins to build because my magic shield which is my bedspread starts to wear thin and the panic starts seeping in.
So I get out of bed and look frightfully at all the things I have to do and get a little more panicky. So I sit down in front of my laptop to try to at least regain some normalcy here and begin to check email and blog a bit. When pondering on subjects to blog the obvious rose to the top which is my current state of anxiety. I think maybe I need to take one of those meds my nice Dr. gave me that I save for special occasions like panic attacks. If anyone out there has ever had the pleasure of having a panic attack they know that it is not a picnic. It is awful for you and the carnage that any innocent by standers in my instance endure can be bad. I can get mean sometimes and not mean it. Ugh the joy of anxiety problems. This is the very thing that makes me re-think becoming a mother. How am I going to handle it when my child turns two and I have to do several things in one day and they throw a tantrum and I have a panic attack?
How in the ham sandwich am I going to handle all of this! OK, OK this is not helpful. One day at a time, one minute at a time, stay in the now. Phew.
Great gravy. I am not doing to well here. OK need to delegate and prioritize.
Sorry that my mental ramblings have puddled on my blog but sometimes I just gotta get this stuff out of my head. I am hoping that my readers are not looking at this post in horror thinking about butterfly nets and straight jackets for everyone. I don't usually get this odd, it just happens prior to a big event such as long vacation that requires planning.
I am going to eat a nice lunch take my meds, make a list and start eating this elephant one bite at a time.

I need a Pre Vacation Vacation

2009-04-21T19:36:00.003-04:00

Oh so much to do. Is there anyone else out there that hates having a little too much prep time before a big event.

You start off with a flurry of activity, lists, lists about planning, lists about packing, lists of lists about the planning and packing. Then you get a bunch of stuff. Then for me it is always around the week or two prior mark that I get kind of bleh with it all. The next thing I know it is three days prior to leaving holy crap! I have things to do and see and pack and buy and clean and water and pet and and and and and.....

Yet I knew this time was going to come three months ago. Here it is three days before take off and I have eight gagillion things to do. I should probably be cleaning a bathroom or hauling suitcases down. Am I, no, I am blogging about procrastination. So I am even sort of procrastinating procrastination. Wow was that even a sentence? I don't know. Ugh, it seems some times that we get so worked up prior to a big vacation and drive our selves practically to drink that by the time it starts you are exhausted. I am really trying to fight that urge.

I promise to not worry about packing everything I own. I promise not to let my sister worry me in to packing everything she owns and I own. I promise that I will delegate things to do. I promise I will let my husband help me so I don't get overwhelmed trying to do everything.

A little horn....no kazoo tooting. (bonus post)

2009-04-20T14:18:00.004-04:00

OK has anyone ever been so fat that you have unloaded the dishwasher in a rolling chair because it was the only way it was going to get done?
(raising hand)
Has anyone been so fat that they have laid in bed sucked in their stomach just to get a pair of jeans on?
(raising hand)
Has anyone been so fat that they were not able to ride an amusement park ride?
(raising hand)
Has anyone stood instead of sat for fear the chair would buckle beneath you?
(raising hand)
Has anyone had to get help up and down a three step flight of stairs due to neck, back, and ankle pain?
(raising hand)
Has anyone used a mop to wash the shower while sitting on adjacent toilet because it was too hard to sand or stoop and clean with a sponge?
(raising hand)
(oy this one is bad) Has anyone backed up in the car to get the paper off the driveway while pulling in so they wouldn't have to stoop over to pick it up?
(raising hand)
Has anyone ordered a second drink at McDonald's because you were afraid they would think all the food you ordered was for you?
(raising hand)
Has anyone trained their foot to pick up anything so they wouldn't have to bend over to get it?
(raising hand)
Has anyone dropped anything on the floor and thought "aah screw it" and left it there because they didn't want to pick it up?
(raising hand)
Has anyone eaten in their car because they did not want people to watch how much they ate in public?
(raising hand)
Has anyone cancelled a trip to the beach because they felt too fat?
(raising hand)

Has anyone been able to fit in a booth without the table touching their tummy in the last month?
(raising hand)
Has anyone been able to completely bend over and touch toes lately?
(raising hand)
Has anyone been able to squat for the first time in about a zillion years lately?
(raising hand)
Has anyone bought smaller clothes because their old ones are looking circus clownish?
(raising hand)
Has anyone been able to haul something old and wear it lately?
(raising hand)
Has anyone been able to get in and out of a car with out using the door to pull themselves upright?
(raising hand)
Has someone been able to do yard work previously never done before?
(raising hand)
Can anyone pull affore said jeans up without unzipping them?
(raising hand)

Is anybody proud of themselves?
(raising hand and hopping up and down)

Monday Monday...Every other Day of the Week is Fiiine

2009-04-20T11:37:00.003-04:00

Good Monday everyone.
If you aren't seated, please sit because I have earth shattering, mind blowing news.
SuperPucky.......mowed yesterday. I know, I know, everyone take a moment to absorb it all. OK now that we are not hyperventilating anymore I will continue. I actually got off my behind and went out to help the fuzzband with yard work. I picked up pine cones, I raked, I bagged, I even mowed the entire back yard. Now before you become too dazzled I do live in the burbs so is isn't like we cleaned out the south forty. However, you need a stick of dynamite and the promise of something chocolaty to get me to do yard work under normal circumstances.

I thought if I sit still on the couch for another day my back is only going to hurt worse and I am only going to gain weight. So after feeling guilty while he mowed the front yard I motivated myself into doing the backyard with him. It actually looks pretty good. We didn't completely finish because we did need enough energy to shower, eat and then collapse. There is a teensy bit left that I can handle once the leaves dry out again. I am not attempting to rake wet leaves. That is where the line gets drawn.

When I woke up this morning I fully expected to feel as if I had been in a car wreck but actually I am feeling good. The back isn't even stiff or painful. YEA!

I weighed myself on the Wii Fit and I am down about two pounds from last weigh in 7 days ago. Hooray! I think it may have been a bit more dramatic had I not been sidelined by the back. I am not complaining because as long as those numbers are not up I am good. I am reeeeally good.

Mouse World beckons me like a siren song. We will be blasting off via Kia on Friday night at midnight. The Fuzzband is super happy about driving. He loves a road trip, as do I so we are super pumped.

I must leave you now because I have a pile of dishes and a pile of laundry that needs my attention. Where is Rosie the Robot when you need her?

Auto Body, My Achin' Body and Mickey

2009-04-18T15:00:00.005-04:00

Who knew I had a knack for auto body? The chipped off paint and minor damage to the front end of my new old car was bothering me. So I googled paint repair and read away. Off to Advanced Auto Parts for paint, clear coat, primer and sand paper. (Oooh sounds like I really know what I am talking about) After much cussing yesterday and sanding and aggravating the muscles in my lower back I am almost done. I have to say for a first try it doesn't look half bad. The beautiful part about it is, I know how to screw it up and I know how to do it correctly! So if I get the urge I can re do the parts that aren't as pretty as the ones I did well on.
Something else I wanted to touch on, is if you are going to buy a used car insist on getting the Carfax report. I got mine after the fact and discovered a recall on my car. I knew I wasn't driving a Lexus off the lot so I wasn't surprised at a few bugs here and there. I discovered that the turn signal has tourrettes syndrome. It would click at the oddest times, and would continue clicking long after turning off. Then it died all together. When I looked up the recall on my handy dandy carfax report low and behold, the recall was for the turn signal/hazard light assembly. Dun dun duuuuun! I called chevy gave them my vin and voila the robot lady told me that there was an open recall on my car. I took it to the dealership and got a once over the entire car and I got the problem solved for..... NOTHING. Goose egg, zero, nada, zip, zilch, nothing, absosmurfly no money. WOO HOO! Thank you Carfax!
On to other news, I hate my lower back.
(Just for those of you thinking you are smarty pants my back was bothering me before I turned into auto body girl so that was not the cause.)
Wouldn't you know the week before I head off to Disney it decides that "I am not happy and I am going to let you know it.". It is sending these mind-numbingly painful bursts of pain straight up my spine. When does this happen, whenever it wants to. I could be picking up a dish from the table, unlocking my car, petting my dog, turning around to walk through the kitchen, climbing a rock wall, you know the usual. So off to my Dr. who applauded me on my weight loss so far and the exercising. He sent me off with some meds for my poor back.
Let me tell you this troops, I don't care if I am on one of those carts that beep when you back up. I am going to Disney. Oh yes, I am going to Disney if I have to put one of those old ass AaAOOOoooga horns on a wheelchair and motor myself around Disney it is happening! NOTHING short of a hurricane will keep me from my mouse induced bliss.
So I have to "try" to take it easy on my back while I get ready for a week long trip. (HAH)

Scale Addiction

2009-04-16T08:26:00.005-04:00

I used to see a very nice therapist. (imagine that me going to a therapist :P) He told me that losing weight had to become my number one goal. One of the tasks he assigned me was weighing myself everyday. It has now become a ritual I go through every morning. Visit the room of rest, dispense with clothing, hop on scale. Some folks say, not good to do, not motivating, can be unhealthily. According to my very thin therapist he said that in a study where patients weighed themselves three times a day vs. once a week the patients weighing themselves daily lost more weight. Who am I to argue with my therapist and a study?

I hopped on the scale this morning to my delight to see 304. I know you weight can fluctuate as much as 2 pounds either way every day. Holy hot pockets batman 304! Even if it was just down 2 lbs due to dehydration that still leaves me at 306, which is down from yesterday. I weighed myself four times in a row to make sure it was not a fluke and each time 304 came blinking up at me.

One of the things I discovered back in therapy that denial is not just a river in Egypt. I was in denial up to my eyeballs. Being a size 32 (perhaps bigger), weighing 350 and feeling like poop was not enough to make me realize I was fat. I know that sounds completely insane, but it is true. I didn't think I was one of "those people", you know the ones that they show on TV from the neck down when they talk about America's Weight Epidemic. I wasn't that fat yet. (Warning stupid self talk to follow) I can pull it off, I am tall enough, if I wear just big enough clothes. '

I was so big that I didn't want to admit it to myself even though it was staring me straight in the face. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. It was just too hard to see this other person I didn't know staring at me. After all, that couldn't be me, I am not that big yet.
I guess I was not ready to break down and admit the truth. It is so funny when I think about my self talk it sounds like an addict doesn't it? "I can quit anytime I want." "I only drink on the weekends." "I am a drunk, alcoholics go to meetings." "I don't have a problem, I don't drink that much."

I had so many warning signs and flags popping up left and right but I just went right on ignoring them. (Warning more stupid self talk coming) After all you could attribute the smaller pants to the dryer shrinking them. The smaller bra was because it was cheap and worn out. I couldn't fit in the booth at the restaurant because they had crammed too much seating in one small area. The reason I am having to buy a bigger size is because the clothes run small in that store. Bad ankles are hereditary in my family, it is in my genes. I am tired all the time because it is winter and your body naturally slows down. Gastric reflux disease is hereditary I am getting this because my sister got it too.
Good God call me Cleopatra Queen of Denial! I had an excuse and a reason for everything. It was easier to laugh at it and make something up than to face the hard cold truth. I was killing myself one bite at a time.
When I finally saw myself in the cruel light of truth, cried, stopped beating myself up, asked for help, and got serious about weight loss, I started seeing results.
Rock bottom turned out to be good solid ground.

Just a little Update

2009-04-15T23:28:00.005-04:00

Things are interesting and exciting right now here are a few things of note:
1. I am preparing for a week long trip to Disney World (uproarious cheers and hurrah)

2. I just got my new to me car '01 Malibu and it is purty and it was cheap a steal at 4,000.00 (go me)

3. I am now a 307-yes 307 I am only 7 pounds from watching that first number change to a 2 a number two it has been almost five years since I have been below 300.

4. I am now a size 24W/26W at Catherines, which is a 30 just about everywhere else, so I am just a few inches away from not having to shop at exclusive plus size shops.

5. My ankles are reappearing, I have had a missing persons report out on them for years now, but I believe we have found them.

6. I went to Olive Garden tonight and only ate 1/2 of a bread stick, one small bowl of salad and a selection off the low fat menu of which I boxed up half of. (I almost passed out at my level of restraint. Normally I would order a plate of cheese covered cheese with cheese sauce)

7. At the dealership yesterday I was walking up an extremely steep grade and realized that I wasn't wheezing, out of breath or about to attach myself to the salesman's leg and beg for mercy.

Life is good. Thank you God!

Monday

2009-04-13T11:02:00.003-04:00

I have good news to report troops!
The fat fairy came along and took another pound away. I am sorry if it made it's way to you.
Yesterday I survived Easter! I survived Grandma yum yum scratch made brownies, pound cake with lemon icing. All made from scratch! Betty Crocker doesn't have anything on my, I mean my husbands', (I am officially making her my grandma) grandma.
All I had was one small bite of a very small brownie. I had one, count it, ONE, spoonful of each of the five million side dishes and about 4 or 5 ounces of ham. I had two of the little bitty reeses peanut butter eggs. They were probably about as big as a grape each.
In my entire 33 years I have never had so little to eat at Easter dinner and the entire day in general. It was so difficult to get up and walk out and sit down outside when desert was being put out. In my moment of weakness I picked up a 1"by 1" brownie and took one bite, realized what I was up to and gave the second bite away.
The bestest thing that happened was family seeing my efforts. My father in law told my husband that I looked great. My new grandma told me that I looked great. I looked great! YEA!
I am excited today that this whole thing about being healthy for life is becoming easier and and easier to do. Yes there was some moments of anxiety yesterday, but I reminded myself that Easter is NOT about food, it is NOT about desert, it is about the big JC, family, remembering that we have been forgiven for our sins. So I remembered to forgive myself for my eating sins and put it behind me.

He Is Risen!

2009-04-12T07:23:00.003-04:00

Happy Easter everyone!
Just wanted to write a quick post to pay homage to Jesus. Without him I would not be where I am today. I owe him everything and I thank him each day for the blessings he has given to me and my family.
I hope that today is filled with remembrance of the One who gave all with love and peace for all of you.

God Bless!
Amanda

Is It Just Me?

2009-04-11T15:23:00.004-04:00

Ok I am needing some feedback from my readers. (All five gazillion of you :P )

When I was leaving Subway with the fuzzband today (feeling pretty proud for not caving in to getting Mexican for lunch) we crossed in front of two teen aged boys. The bane of all plus size women and men is the cruel teen. I looked over to make sure I was not going to become a grill ornament on their dad's Volvo. I noticed them gawking at me, not just glancing up or looking, I mean full on gawking and giggling. Being plus sized for a large part of my life I have gotten used to stares from people. Today it kind of slapped me in the face. I have been so proud of my progress and happy with my new smaller size. These two pimple covered dorks sucked me right back into feeling like an awkward teen. All of a sudden I could feel how big 310 lbs. are. I felt like someone snuck up and popped my balloon that had "Way to go on the 40 lbs!" plastered all over it.

Am I alone on this one? Has anyone else had complete strangers sum you up with a stare and a giggle. Or have you ever gotten the elbow and whisper between two people as you pass. Of course then there are the a-holes who speak loudly enough for you to hear them.

I know most would say, "Don't let them bother you. They are just stupid teens." or the ever popular "You shouldn't let what other people think bother you they don't know you, they don't matter.". The thing is I know all of that and I understand that but DAMMIT I am tired of being entertainment for others!

I had a cup of water in my hand as I crossed that street. It took every ounce of energy I had not to hurl the water at that car as hard as I could.

I am a human being. I deserve respect. I deserve the right to be able to walk down the street, through the mall, or in any public area without being ridiculed. If I were a minority it would be racism or bigotry, but since I am over weight it is open frickin' season.

UGH! I wish I had a paintball gun and I could just unload on the insensitive douche bags who think that just because people are overweight that it is OK to pick on them.

I know that this is a bit of a rant, and I apologize for the bitching. I feel better having expelled that hatred. I know idiots can't help being idiots because they were born with smaller brains. So I shouldn't be angry at them because they are functionally retarded, because after all wouldn't that be wrong?

Praise the Lord and Bypass the Easter Basket (and other ramblings)

2009-04-10T17:22:00.006-04:00

I cut my own hair.

No, I don't look like a three year old gave me the Barbie hair make over with blunt scissors, which frankly surprises me. The last time I tried to trim my own bangs I ended up looking like complete moron with too short crooked bangs. I haven't tried it since 10 years ago. All I wanted was some bangs and I didn't feel motivated to pay even the cheapest place 11.00 to whack off three inches of hair. I sucked it up, got out a comb, the sheers and took a deep breath. Much to my delight the results are actually kind of dare I say....cute.

I promise I will take some photos and up load some photos of me at different sizes so you folks will know that I am not a head in a jar with an elaborate typing mechanism.

My body is aching right now. I got a little too enthusiastic with my Wii Fit. You don't realize how hard you are exercising when you are having so much fun. If you could transport yourself back about three years and told me I would use exercise and fun in the same sentence I would laugh at you. It really gives you a full body work out. Since I have added it to my weight loss team I am seeing inches disappear as well as pounds. Who knew that pretending to hula hoop and dodging imaginary soccer balls would move me toward my goals.

When I was whizzing around Wal Mart today I noticed a peculiar feeling. I noticed the crotch of my pants was gravitating toward my knees. My new jean capri pants were slipping down. When I bought them in February they were my $9.00 steal of the year from Catherines. They fit perfectly and looked great. Less than two months later they are big enough to pull down without being unzipped.

I have gone so long without having any type of success that it is strange for me to have these things happen. So if anyone out there thinks I am bragging I am not. I am truly exuberant to report these little blessings I am having.

Easter is Sunday, I have always looked forward to Easter with excitement. All the candy, chocolate, sugar covered marshmallow heaven, and mmmmm Easter eggs. This year I am not going to have any of it. I am focusing on the reason for Easter and the gathering of the family. I am not focusing on the food for a change.

Head Check (warning brutal honesty ahead)

2009-04-10T00:33:00.008-04:00

I was bopping along through life. Counting calories and measuring fat. Bouncing around on my Wii Fit and feeling generally proud of my progress and myself in general.

I got a head check day before yesterday and a spiritual recharge.

I met a remarkable woman who is going through some very challenging struggles in her life. She and I have similarities in our trials and tribulations. She however is in the problem and working her way toward the solution. She has no idea how her problems actually helped me and inspired me to keep going. After she left I felt as if a giant anvil was dropped on me. Seeing someone else where I have been made me start thinking.

I suddenly started to remember how far I have come and where I started.

The darker days...

Days I did not want to live.

The days of not wanting to get out of bed.

Not wanting to look at my own reflection because it repulsed me.

Recalling despising myself and asking a friend of mine "Am I a nice person? Am I a bitch? Do you still love me?".

Standing on the Doctor's scale and see 350 lbs glaring back in red numbers just six months ago.

It reminded me of what it was like to hide food and eat it so no one would know.

Planning binges at night so nobody would know my secrets. Then planning on making myself sick because I felt so guilty.

What it was like to not have my emotions in control, feeling like I was slipping away from reality.

The feeling of being scared to leave the house because I did not want people to look at me.

Wondering how anyone could love me especially myself.

Today I can smile and look back at those days and realize that it is the past. I have turned a page. I am writing my story and it is going to have happy ending. I am practicing the "progress not perfection" motto, and I am staying grounded and grateful.

Thank God for well...God, Jesus, my understanding husband, my kick ass Doctors, medication, OA, Al-Anon, forgiving family, great friends, and my inner strength.

It has been about a 10 year journey to recovery. It had to start with strengthening my spirituality, getting my head squared away, finding the love of my life, hitting rock bottom, standing up, and working on the last piece... my health. I am finally understanding how important balance of mind, body and soul are. All three work like a pedestal to hold you up and keep you going.

To anyone reading this blog who is in the dark days, they do end. There is hope, there is help... don't ever stop looking for it.

To anyone who has helped me through my dark days, thank you. You mean the world to me.

To anyone who has overcome similar struggles, don't hide your story, share it, you do have an influence.

Lastly if you know someone who is having problems similar to these, reach out and hold their hand, let them know they are not alone. You may just save a life.

The Fat Fairy visited me last night!

2009-04-07T14:13:00.006-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen I caught the Fat Fairy last night in action. She was stealing a pound from me. You will see a picture I took of her as she gave me a celebration concert in my back yard. The celebration was in honor of losing 40 pounds total since October. I have often wondered what she looked like and what she did with the weight. Judging from the top of her costume I know now.

Ever wonder where that weight actually goes? I mean I know that the fat cells get left behind and all but where does the icky fat go? Does it get sucked out of you by the Fat Fairy? Does she take it to be deposited on some unfortunate soul who has been hoovering Ben and Jerry's like crystal meth for the last week? Inquiring minds would like to know!

I have actually stuck to my guns on something I promised myself. I said I was going to start reading more again. I looked around the house and said. Hey, kinda hard to do read more when you have read every book here. Now I know some of you will think, the library is free you should be going there! I am not the most dependable person when it comes to the library. I hate paying late fees and on top of that if I really like the book I want to keep it. Plus my family rotates books around if it is really good.

I have started off with The Proper Care and Feeding of a Husband by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I know she is not the most loved person in the world. I have however read several of her other books and they have had profound positive impact on my life. I think 10 Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives should be issued to every girl at puberty. I wish I had read it before I started dating. My life would have been much more pleasant and have less losery boyfriends in my past.

Next up is The Christmas Sweater by Glenn Beck. Ok, I know #1 Glenn Beck talk show and radio talk show host that again not everyone loves. When he is not ranting about politics he is actually pretty damn funny. I have seen him live and actually met him once. He is a pretty cool guy despite what people say. #2 I know it isn't Christmas anymore but I have heard so many good things about this book and it was a super deal.

Last but not least my vacation book, I purchased Twilight by Stephenie Meyer to see what all the hype is about. Since I like Anne Rice and Vampirreirey (yes it is a word I just invented it so yna) stuff I thought what the hell, it is on sale. I figured that the demographic for this is young adults so I won't strain a brain muscle trying to read it on vacation. I don't care if people see me reading it poolside because I will never see them again in my life. This comes from the idea I should be reading something more profound like Catcher in the Rye or A Raisin in the Sun.

The cool thing about all these books is they came from a really neat book store called Rainy Day Pal books. It is located in a historic restored Mill In Lexington, SC. The store is chalked full of all kinds of books dirt cheap! I got 50% off of retail on all the books and they are all hard back in great condition. Some of the books there are new and used. The best part of all you can trade them in for credit toward your next purchase! Neato bandito!

E Books are cool and all but there is just some thing tactile and cool about having a book. The smell of the glue and paper, the artwork on the dust cover. Roaming around cool old bookstores and looking at all the different books. Wondering how much collected time is invested in them all.

You can blame my love of reading and books on Levar Burton. Yes, Levar Burton, Jordi Laforge to some of you fellow geeks. Yes Mr. Levar Burton and his Reading Rainbow. Me and all my other fellow elementary school mates would sing the Reading Rainbow song when it came on. (I am laughing to myself because if anyone who reads this is around my age they now have that song stuck in their head). I always dreamt of being one of those kids that reviewed a book and ended it with "You don't have to take my word for it".

http:www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6j8EiWIVZs

Slacker Girl strikes again

2009-04-05T22:54:00.005-04:00

Sorry for the intermission all five million readers out there.

Heh.

I have great news to share, I am now down a few more pounds to 311! Thirty nine pounds lost since October 2008. I am also a total of three dress sizes down.

Exercising and moving more everyday has been helping with strength, stamina and mobility. I have noticed very small changes that make me feel great. I can squat and bend better. I am more comfortable riding in a car. Booths at restaurants are not a source of anxiety anymore. (Those of you with big tummies and abdomens know exactly what I mean)

I have had sort of a revelation when it comes to food. I always thought you under eat then over exercise and boom you lose weight. Nope. Not so simple. I found that the days I ate the least the scale did not move. The scale would not move for days on end. Then I threw my hands up and said I have to do something. I started looking into eating more nutritious food not just less of it. I found a great website nutritiondata.com. My diet was not very well balanced. My daily requirements of nutrition were not being met. When I am eating a good balance of carbs, fruits, veggies, protein, fats (the good kind), I lose weight. I was hitting plateaus be cause I was either lacking a food group or some sort of nutrition OR I was not eating enough to sustain me.

Your body actually needs a certain amount of calories just to survive. The trick is to eat that amount of calories you need to survive. Then you burn off enough to trick your body into using it's fat cells. The side effects of not eating enough were irritability, feeling queasy, dizzy and faint.

During my plateau surfing I noticed something disturbing, (WARNING possible T.M.I .alert here) I became very irregular. From 1x a day to once every 2 days, to once every three days, then every four days. This worried me. I contacted my pharmacist and the Phentermine I am on can mess with my digestive function. She suggested milk of magnesia, bad bad idea. I have had issues with gastric reflux disease and occasionally have flare ups. Apparently milk of magnesia plus phentermine plus gastric reflux=human water wiggle. For 24 hours I became way too intimate with my bathroom decor. I saw my Dr. a few days later I saw my Dr. and I he suggested adding a fiber supplement and gave me a Rx in case that didn't work. All I can say is thank God for Benefiber. It doesn't taste or smell or turn me into a human whoopee cushion that has to stay at least 10 feet within a bathroom at all times.

So since the nutrition revelation and the correction of "movement" problems I have gone down a few more pounds. Hooray for success!

Shopping in my closet and our "friend".

2009-03-24T11:50:00.007-04:00

Yesterday I was putting away laundry and got tired of having to sift through all the clothes I haven't worn since God knows when. You know that favorite shirt from two summers ago that was on sale and looked so cute? Now when you put it on you feel like a pillow with rubber bands wrapped around it. I have quite a few of those shirts. They chronicle my ups and downs with weight loss (primarily the ups).

I took a deep breath and went through and tried everything on. Yes, everything. That should be considered cardio work out. I was busting a sweat, breathing heavy and exhausted by the time I was done. The cool part about it is I have three grocery bags full of shirts that will fit after I drop some weight. I get to go shopping in my own closet soon! This is incentive not to take that second helping.

I also did some thing that has never happened before, I pulled out clothes that were too big! Clothes that were too big and made me look crappy were sentenced to the the flea market pile. It felt great to have clothes I couldn't wear anymore because they were too big vs. too little.
I don't think I have ever had that happen to me. I have always given away my skinny clothes sadly. Giving them away made me feel as if I had given up any hope of ever wearing that size again. Now I have bags of shirts waiting in the wings that seem to say "See you soon!"

I felt so motivated I went on to my dresser pulling out the clothes that were classified as bumming around the house. They had gotten so bad that I would be ashamed to be seen in them. I even organized the underwear drawer. Now that is dedication!

Scales say I am up two pounds, I know where that is coming from. You know that lovely gift Mother Nature has bestowed upon us women. UGH. This is especially fun for us dieters that are living and dying by the numbers on the scale.

Since I found this cool little website http://www.ladytimer.com/. I get emails warning me of the impending urge to watch lifetime with a box of Kleenex and a bag of chocolate covered potato chips.

I have never been good at keeping track of our "friend" (should be fiend). She always snuck up on me and made me wonder why I was acting so bitchy. Wondering why that stupid Hallmark commercial made me burst into tears. She also sabotaged my weight loss efforts by making me think I had gained anywhere from 3-6 pounds in a few days. Until I started keeping track of her and my weight on a regular basis I had no clue how much this affected me. Looking back I think this could have been the reason for the failure of so many weight loss efforts prior to this one.

I have to say thank God for ladytimer because she has helped me realize that I am still on track and doing well.

It's Monday, where did that motivation get to?

2009-03-23T14:05:00.005-04:00

Mondays, the beginning of the week, the beginning of the diet. The beginning of many resolutions. Stop smoking, start recycling, start walking dogs more often, start diet, stop whining, stop cursing, start getting up on time...and on and on and on.

Why is it when Mondays get here the motivation is sometimes there with a vengeance or all the air is out of your balloon?

As I look around at the laundry list of things I need to do (which includes laundry), vacuum, dust, clean up, etc. and I just feel tired.

I know I am not alone on this one. There wouldn't be so many self help books or diet info-mercials if I weren't. When it comes right down to it you don't need any of that crap. It is just you and the power of inertia.

What is it that gets some people up and off the couch? Perhaps it is God, a pushy sibling, a prayer, a mantra, or looking at the grandma arms you have? Maybe it is love, the love you have for yourself, your family, your friends, who all want to see you succeed.

Sometimes I feel as if I have the little devil and the little angel on my shoulder's just like on the cartoons.

Devil-"Hey make some nachos and watch Hulu on line. You can clean and exercise later. Besides you had a rough weekend you deserve it right?"

Angel- "If you start now you can have all the laundry put away, the clutter picked up, and fit in a work out before dinner. Perhaps later you can take the dogs for a walk. Won't you feel so good, won't you have a sense of accomplishment?"

Devil- "You could twist your ankle, pull a muscle in your back and then you would be out for a week or two! Sit back relax, make a glass of tea you have lost a bunch of weight. Today doesn't matter. Besides you slept in so you wasted most of the day anyways."

I think I just had one of those moments on sit-coms where the screen goes all wavy. Where the character has this fantasy for five minutes and then pops right back into the script as if nothing has happened.

I do believe that my obsession with overeating and bad habits is a bit of a demon, sort of like addiction or alcoholism. Addiction will tell you anything and everything to keep you depending on it and to stay in charge.

The overeating and laziness are like one of those old couches that once you settle into it you practically need a forklift to get up. You feel like a bug on its back with all four appendages flailing helplessly.

I am thankful for this blog because it does help bring into focus the problems I have. This addiction of sorts and how warped it can cause my thinking to be.

I think I just have to yell louder than my devil and drop kick her fat ass off my shoulder.

I am going to run now, I have dogs to walk and laundry to fold.

New Day New Numbers!

2009-03-22T07:11:00.004-04:00

Nothing like your snuffling wiener dog to make you rise and shine at 6:00 AM on a Sunday. Of course after he is done with his business he isn't ready to go back to sleep. Oh no, time to play, to sniff things never sniffed before. Time to lick you on your face until you get your butt out of bed and play! Ah the joys of raising my four legged 8 month old baby with a tail.

Of course the husband doesn't get woke up. He is happily imitating a bag pipe being run over by a steam roller. Or perhaps a duck being squeezed to death?

So I think to my self.."Self," (this is self talk if you haven't guessed yet) "new week, need to weigh in." I get on the scale and it says 314, I think "Yeah right, you have betrayed me before.". I get on the scale again, 314.1, and again 314.0. Three times a charm baby we have negative numbers! Woo hoo!

Now wait a darn minute! Don't I recall a sinus headache, laying in bed, doing nothing, pity pizza party, and a day of becoming one with my couch? How can it be that I can count every blessed fat gram, every calorie, every carb, every ounce of dietary fiber, run in place, hop up and down every day for a week and gain? Then a couple days off track and I am down four pounds?

Ahh who knows. The numbers are down, the news is good so let's just roll with it shall we?! I have an appointment with my Dr. to keep track of my progress on the 30th thank God I will have something good to say. Sixteen pounds lost since the last time I saw him on January 30th.

With such a long goal ahead of me sometimes it is easy to lose sight of how much weight I have actually lost. I mean if you think about it the average size of a large dog food bag is around 15 pounds. I have lost a bag of dog food. (Picturing myself with a giant orange bag of Iams strapped to ass)
If you had to run around Wal Mart carrying a bag of dog food for about a half hour you would really be ready to put it down. I put down a bag of Iams in two months! Holy cow! Since October I have lost two Iams bags and a 5lb bag of potatoes. No wonder my dogs follow me everywhere.

I think it is important that I celebrate these little victories myself. After all I am the one that has to keep going. I don't have some great life coach following me around screaming "You can do it!". I think I would probably either hit them at some point or fire them repeatedly.

Well this is definitely a good way to start the day and start the week.

Embracing My Inner Sloth

2009-03-21T15:49:00.007-04:00

It is Saturday, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, it is a gorgeous day. What am I doing? Frolicking outside, prancing in the sun, nay nay I am on my couch.
I am playing with my Ipod, watching a box set of the X-Files and blogging. Some days were ment to try to become part of your sofa.
Don't get me wrong I love fresh air and blue skies but sometimes pulling the furs up and hiding in the cave are fun.
I have had an off week when it comes to being on my diet and exercising. Sunday begins a new week and I am ready to start anew with a fresh perspective.
One of the downfalls I have had of previous diets has been using any excuse to throw my diet to the wind and go right back to eating like a maniac.
So I am going to succeed by doing things differently. I am going to not worry about the pity pizza party and and the lack of exercising. I will get back on the wagon and drive it like a bat out of hell.
Long live a new week a new day!

Things that Suck and Things that Don't

2009-03-20T16:18:00.004-04:00

Ahhh nothing like the feel of a sinus/migraine headache to welcome in the first day of spring!
Yes today has been a fun filled festival of tissue, pills, cold fans and a dark room. Those fellow sinus and migraine sufferers know exactly what I am screaming....er.....whispering right now.

The dueling scales are still out of sync...what EVER at this point. I will be the eternal optimistic-pessimist and go with the higher numbers (they are probably right). My higher scale is giving me 318, 318, and 318 consistently. Even after the pity-pizza party I had last night (oops probably shouldn't have told you that) I lost instead of gained-I think, damn scales.

On to good news, I got my eagerly awaited package from Catherines via UPS. I was brave enough to get out the measuring tape and measure my awesome boobage. According to the the tape I am smaller-hooray yahoo yippee woo hoo! To explain my exuberance at the smaller size my bra size has done nothing but escalate since 1999 to actually see smaller digits is a thing of wonder. I have gone from 50 poke your eye out DDD to 48 DDD. Yes this is a small victory but damn it, I am going to prance like a pony for my small victory. After discovering my newly smaller boobage this called for a celebration of sorts, ordering new bras, primarily because they were buy one get one half price.

I have to say the Playtex 18 Hour Bra with the Comfort Fit strap is the best for over those of us who are extra blessed upon our chestses. They actually put your breasts in the proper position. Which by the way is not looking at your shoes. The straps have this gel in them that keep them from digging into your shoulders. If you measure properly you can breath in them and they don't bind and leave your back itching. If you are wondering where to get it www.catherines.com or www.playtexfits.com. I prefer Catherines because they are always running great sales.

The next happy hooray announcement is that I ordered a camisole for my anniversary. When I got married two years ago I bought a 30/32 camisole and it fit and it was pretty and all. This year I have ordered a 26/28. It is pretty it looks good I don't resemble a blue sausage with rubber bands wrapped around it. I also ordered a T-shirt in a similar style I had previously ordered in 5x in a 3x. This is huge the 3x is a 24/26, guess what, IT FIT!

I need to give a little history on why I am so elated at the slightly smaller sizes. Most of my adult life I have done nothing but get bigger and bigger and bigger. Back in 1997 I actually went down about three sizes and that was the biggest accomplishment I had. Since then I have gone from a misses size 14 to a super sized-plus size 32 and I was pushing that 32 to it's limit last October. I dare say I might have crept in to a 34 just didn't purchase any. It has been has been a tough struggle to get from 32 to 24/26/28 (depending at what store you are at).
For anyone else who is struggling and has fallen down only to trip and fall again, just keep going. It is worth it. Perhaps I need to tattoo that backward onto my own forehead so I don't forget it.

How much do I weigh?

2009-03-19T16:04:00.004-04:00

This morning I get up and changed the batteries in my scale. It had been pitifully giving me the Lo Bat warning for far too long. I stepped on and assumed the position of prayer to God that the numbers would be lower.
They weren't. 318.9
I said some ugly words and stepped on again, 319.00, again 320.00.Uhhh was I gaining weight at the speed of smell!? What the hell was going on here? I look over at the other older scale and raise my eyebrow. Let me back up a bit here. Since I started my weight loss back in October of 2008 I was 350 pounds it would not weigh me because it's cap out was 330.Now that I am happily below 330 I thought to myself, let's give the old one a go and see what it has to contribute.
309 says old scale. I think it was trying to get back in my good graces.I weigh one, two, three more times on old scale 309 each time. I like the old scale, but I know he is lying to me...I think.

Now that I am completely perplexed I get back on the other scale and it says 318.So who or what do I believe? How do I know how much I weigh?I have been on a plateau for two weeks and now I have dueling scales...ugh.
I trudge on forward through my weight loss battle clueless as to my true weight. I suppose the only thing that matters is that my clothes are getting looser and I feel much better. I will weigh again tomorrow and see how much each one thinks I weigh.